The 'First' Girlfriend

Before: 4

A/N: Another update? So she wasn't lying? ;D Longest chapter since I came back! AFTER chapter will be posted on Monday!

Enjoy

*unedited*

*dedications made to fans who were asking for updates, no matter how long ago! :) 

Before: 4: Jasper

Every time I see her, she comes out of nowhere. First she appeared only in my dreams. It would start as a memory - our first meeting, our first date, our first kiss - but then she would transform to the killer at Homecoming. Her eyes cold but a little crazy and little bit too close to losing it. After every moment I relived, she would kill me. Sometimes with a gun, sometimes with a knife. In one she even pushed me off a roof.

I didn't need a degree to know what it was telling me. She could've killed me so many times, she could've killed my dad so many times. But she didn't. She killed Will first. She tried to kill Melody.

She would've killed me.

A part of me missed the nightmares. I could wake up, feel Melody next to me with her arms around me and feel safe. I would know that she couldn't step out of head and hurt me.

No, now it was worst. This was way worst.

When she first stepped out of my nightmares, she would appear in reflections. I thought it was my head playing tricks, but soon it was very clear I was seeing her. In windows, in hallways, in the streets as we drove past and even in formal events.

About three weeks after I first saw, I got drunk at a charity concert and she finally disappeared and didn't come back.

Not until I was sober again.

Ditching my useless therapist was just another way I could spend two hours drinking. I tried to cut back - I noticed I was depending on it too much, but I couldn't.

I'm pretty sure the last time Melody left for a week long mission I blacked out everyday.

Melody. When I told her, it broke me to see the way her face just fell. She only let it slip for a moment, but I caught it. I caught her hurt and I caught her trying to put on a mask for me. That's what I didn't want- I didn't want her worrying about or changing her life for me.

Although I couldn't lie- a part of me, small part, felt relieved to tell her. I wanted her to scream at me, but saying it made me realize that if I kept going like this, I would've ended up in a worst state than I am.

And that boxing lesson really made me feel good. Strong. Energetic.

Dylan must have seen it too because I had a feeling he had a lot to say to me, but instead we spent the ride talking about the agents, and making fun of them.

But before we entered Lindsey's studio, Dylan stopped me.

"I really hate to do this," he said, as I looked at him confused. "But I'm going to have to pat you down." I gave him a deadpanned look.

"Really? I don't have any bottles on me."

He motioned for me to spread my arms out and I did. I wasn't going to fight him on. Not when I know Melody probably asked him too. When he was done, he moved aside. I reached for the door, but he grabbed, gently.

"Hey man," he said softly. "If something happens- it's too much for you, just come get me okay?" he said, and he made sure he was looking straight at me. He wanted to make sure I was listening. That I knew he was here for me.