Searching the Stars (Montereal Series #1)

[31]

"Would you please stop looking at me?"

Tanga na kung tanga, pero pumayag ako sa gusto niya. Joax is playing in the other room habang kasama ko si Trent dito at kumakain. Talaga ngang may mga laruan dito si Trent na may gamit na remote control.

"Sorry," he said, looking away.

I smiled a little. It reminded me of how we were back then. Ganyan na ganyan siya sa akin dati. He would stare at me for awhile, even when I'm eating. I don't know if it because gandang-ganda talaga siya sa akin, o dahil cute ako. I can't tell.

Nung bumalik naman ang tingin niya sa akin ay tinanggal ko na agad ang ngiti ko. I don't want him to see that I'm smiling because of him. I still had my walls up for him. At papanindigan ko 'yun.

Mahal ko siya, but that doesn't mean that I forgive him for what he did. May kasalanan pa rin siya sa akin. The pain and damage that it made me feel almost wrecked me completely. Although, there's also something positive that came out of it.

I can now control my emotions better when facing other people. I can now confront someone without crying or breaking down. I can now become someone I always wanted to become.

Lahat 'yun nagawa ko nang mag-isa.

I looked around his unit. A lot of things really did change. Yung kwarto kung saan ako laging natutulog ay ginawa niyang kwarto para sa mga collection niya. Kaya naman pala tuwang-tuwa si Joax na pumunta dito.

Napansin ko naman na nakatingin siya sa akin. Kumunot naman ang noo ko sa kanya bago umiling.

"Puro titig, ayaw naman ako kausapin." mahina kong bulong.

"What?"

"Mhm? Oh, nothing." I sweetly smiled.

His forehead creased. "You want me to talk to you?"

Napatigil ako sa paghigop doon sa wanton soup. So he heard it? Oh, damn.

"What? Where did you hear that?"

"You just said it."

Umiling ako. "I'm not saying anything."

He continued staring at me. Hindi ko talaga alam ang purpose ng pagtitig niya sa akin. It's not like I will suddenly disappear. Unti-unti naman akong nakaramdam ng inis. Binaba ko ang utensils at hinarap siya.

"Damn it, Trent. Ano? Titigan mo lang ako? Why won't you even say anything to me?"

He crossed his arms and looked down. He licked his lips before seriously looking at me again.

"I don't know what to say to you." he said. "I have a lot to say, but I can't even process the words in my head. All I know is that..."

I raised a brow, waiting for him to say it. "I miss you. I miss you so much, we were apart for seven years, I didn't even ask anyone for news about you. I didn't even bother to check your accounts. The only thing I had is our pictures. That's the only thing I'm looking at when I'm missing you."

So... he didn't even check on me, huh?

Why does he make it seem like I'm the one who hurt him?

"You could've at least called you know..." I trailed. "Sent a text or something, I was worried. I wonder what happened to you. They told me you're okay, but I didn't believe them. I wanted to hear it from you. I wanted to hear your voice."

He swallowed hard. "I wished I could, I never said anything because I knew if I did, it will only make things hard for me. It will only be difficult for me to leave you."