Bad Decisions (A Julian Casablancas Fic)

Chapter Thirteen: Don't Be Afraid to Feel

"I feel like I owe you an apology, but then again I don't want to speak to you." Julian spoke. Wow, still an asshole, Lilah thought. Lilah told herself that she was either going to be a complete bitch to him, or completely ignore him. She didn't know how to reply, but her mouth opened before her brain could decide.

"Have you been crying?" She asked but mentally kicked herself for it.

He chuckled and ran his hands through his hair. He was in a black t-shirt and his boxers, which was also distracting to Lilah.

"Would you be happy if I said I was? Yeah, I was. I'm a fucking pussy who cries for no real reason. Don't ail yourself Delilah, it had nothing to do with you." Julian was lying, but Lilah didn't know that.

"Why, then?" Lilah asked. She suddenly didn't care if she was overstepping.

"Why would I tell you? Everyone keeps saying you're my boss, but don't forget you work for me! You're not my friend. I'm apologizing for how I acted, but not for why I did it. I still want you gone." Julian replied, raising his voice.

Lilah was about to break. What he did bothered her, and she was very angry. She tried to make herself remember why he was acting like this. She'd been in a similar situation, but she was never rude to anyone. She just assumed people handle their demons differently.

She hopped off the counter and replied, "I'm sorry that you hate me just for my gender. I am not that girl. Just know that if you got to know me, you'd realize that. You're quick to judge, Julian. Believe it or not, I know what you're going through. The tour would be easy for all of us if we were friends and I am willing to give you as much space as you'd like, but I'm not giving up this job," she started to walk past him, "and it's okay to have a person to talk to. I know you and Nikolai are close. Don't be ashamed to feel, asshole." Lilah confidently walked out of the room and left Julian dumbfounded.

Lilah went back to her room to see Fab lying on her bed, dressed and ready. He had a frazzled look on his face.

"I'm guessing you heard that," Lilah began.

"Me and the rest of the guests, but way to go Lilah, you really stuck it to him. Go women!" Lilah laughed at her friend's words. "Okay, I'm gonna go talk to him and then go see the rest of the guys. You're welcome to come with."

Lilah really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. She wasn't in the mood and didn't want to damper anyone's spirits. Especially before the show. "I'll just chill here for a while. I'll come over in a few, and we'll head to the venue then. Make sure the guys are ready for me?"

"Of course," Fab gave her a soft smile and kissed her forehead. Fab's affections made her miss Melody even more, but she was glad she had him as a filler. She really hoped their friendship would remain when this is over.

Soon, she heard the door shut and the shower start. No biggie, she thought. It's just that you're in a hotel room alone with Julian Casablancas and he's naked. She started biting her lip when she pictured him like that, but soon stopped when she remembered the conversation they just had. She let out a loud sigh of aggravation, mad at her past self for developing this crush.

Her phone buzzed. It was Ryan. It read: "Hey Lilah. Today's important, the show is going to be filmed. I will handle the technical stuff if you make sure the guys are there and presentable. Ideally, make sure Julian's not wasted."

Lilah replied with a, "got it!" and laid back down on her bed. She said aloud, "I'm just gonna have to keep alcohol away from someone who is on the verge of being a drunk, great."

"Excuse me?"

Lilah's eyes got wide when she realized she was no longer alone. There he was, him. Julian, in just a towel around his waist. "Um, I..." Lilah stammered, partially because she was going to have to explain what she just said, and because he was basically naked in front of her.

"So, now I'm an asshole and a drunk?" He asked, partially smiling as he walked closer to her.

"You are mmmost definitely an asshole, the duh-drunk part I'm still figuring uh o-out.." Lilah was at a loss for words, and Julian noticed. She stood up and smoothed her skirt, trying her best to keep eye contact.

He kept easing closer, looking her up and down. His conscience was screaming at him, but he didn't care. Maybe this will get her back for how she spoke to me earlier, he thought. He could tell she was attracted to him. Earlier, he'd catch her staring and blushing in his direction. He secretly hoped she still felt that, even after the way he acted.

"Delilah..." he breathed, inches from her face. She could feel his hot breath on her skin. Her hands were shaking, fumbling at the neck of her shirt.

"Wha-What are you doing?" She asked, breathy but concerned.

He slid his hand around her waist, gripping slightly. His idea was only to get to her, but he was torturing himself. He was very attracted to Delilah, but up until now, he didn't even think about acting on it.

Their eyes were locked on each other, and his other hand touched her face. His thumb brushed the bottom of her lip, and he sucked in a breath. "You're repulsive, indecent, and fucking beautiful all at the same time." He said, sliding his hand down further.

Delilah couldn't move. Julian had just called her beautiful and repulsive all in the same sentence. She let out a small gasp when his hand grasped the skin on her hip. Julian let out a deep chuckle, and his eyes were darker than Lilah had ever noticed them being. She was mad at herself for letting him touch her, especially after all the things he said. Her body wouldn't let him stop. He leaned down and kissed her shoulder, then her neck, and trailed up to the corner of her mouth. His kiss lingered there and she moaned, "Julian..." as his hand caressed her breasts. Delilah's moment was interrupted when Julian suddenly pulled away. He had a smirk on his face and crossed his arms in front of her. He leaned in her ear and whispered with a raspy voice, "Don't be afraid to feel, Delilah."

Julian knew that he was going to have to go back in the bathroom to take care of himself. He couldn't stop thinking of the way she moaned his name.

Lilah stood there in the same spot. She was confused as to what just happened. He hated her, she almost hated him. Then one minute, they're fighting, and then they're uh whatever that was. She wasn't sure if he meant it, she knew he had bad intentions and made bad decisions. She didn't know if she should be mad at him anymore or not. She told herself to forget it, it was obviously a mistake. Or was it?

~

Julian simply walked past Lilah to get dressed. She was in the same spot he'd left her, but sitting on her phone. To be honest, he didn't know how to act around her now. He hated being around her, unless it was like that, alone together. They guys saw how he was with Jessa, head over heels in love. He cringed thinking about it. He didn't want to let his guard down, especially in front of them. He told himself he was overthinking it; he was just messing around with her. To get her nerves all riled up on a big day, ya know? Deep down he knew that wasn't the case. She amazed him. As he pulled his jeans on, he told himself he was never going to do that again. We'll see.

~~~~~~~~~
Author's Note: OOOOOOOOH, scandal. Sexy. YES. How will Lilah let this affect her? I dunno, but we'll see. Are Julian's feelings actually genuine? Hmm. Btw, Jessa is Julian's ex in this story. I didn't want to bring my queen Juliet into this. SONG FOR CHAPTER: Trouble Found Me -Madison Cunningham

p.s. i wanna know your favorite song(s) from TNA

much love my precious babies xx

-L