Densi Forever

Something, Anything, Nothing

Kensi's POV

It's been weeks. Actually, it's been 3 weeks, 6 days, and 14 hours since Deeks walked out on me.

Not that I've been counting.

It still hurts to remember but I have to because it's all that I've got. He ran away. I haven't seen him. So I have to keep that memory, keep it in my head at all times, because if I lose that, if I lose the one thing I have left of him, I might go crazy.

I keep replaying it over and over again in my mind just hoping that something he says will pop out at me. Hoping that I'll be able to indentify some strange wording, some hint that he accidentaly dropped in our conversation. Something that will help me find him. Something. Anything.

But all I get is nothing.

I can't help but feel angry. He left me out of this. The one person he's supposed to trust with everything, he trusts with nothing. He left me there, vulnerable and alone. And I hate him for it.

But then I look back and I see how much pain he was in. How much leaving me hurt him. And I can't be mad. How can you be mad at someone who risks everything solely so that you can be safe from a threat that might not even be a threat?

They won't let me back into work until he's back. Hetty said some crap about me not being safe without my partner which I know is total bull because I was a perfectly good agent before Deeks even came along. She just doesn't think I've recovered fully. Which, to be honest, I haven't.

I miss him everyday.

Every time the phone rings, everytime there's a knock on the door, everytime a car passes I find myself hoping, just for a second, that it's him. That he's finally come home to me.

Of course, I'm always wrong.

I can't keep doing this to myself. Sitting alone in my dark living room thinking about him. It's not healthy. I need to do something. Anything. Just get my mind off of him.

But every time I try to get up, every time I try to do anything other than worry, I find myself bawling on the floor over my stupid partner. My stupid partner who could be missing. Who could be tortured. Who could be....dead.

My stupid partner who I love.

He needs to come back. I don't think I'm gonna be okay until he comes back.

I fell through the ice. I can't breathe. It's too cold.

My fucking frozen lake broke.

And it's killing me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So it's been FOREVER since I last updated and I am so sorry about that. This year has been super stressful and I did not expect so much work from school. I hope you guys will continue reading to see how the story develops. Sorry this part is so short but I've got a really good one coming up.

Let me know what you think.

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