teen romance - LIL PEEP

10 - not over yet

Gus :/
Am I gonna see u tonight?

My stomach is filled with butterflies as I read the new text from Gus. I realize that I have to swallow my pride, because even if I didn't want to go (which I really did, desperately), I know I can't miss it now. I find myself wanting to do what he says, and it scares me. It scares me how easy it is for him to take over my life. Instead of debating whether or not this is the best for me, I submit to his wish, and start to dig through my closet to find something to wear.

-

I zip my jacket up and text Tracy that I'm outside. I followed the address he sent me, and find myself outside a club. It's small, but it's an actual place for people to perform and not just some guys' garage. I'm met by a bouncer at the door who IDs me and puts a colored wristband around my wrist, most likely signaling to any bartenders that I'm under 21. I make my way through the people mingling at the entrance, and glance around the place for Tracy. It's dark and crowded, but eventually I find him among the crowd of people waiting around for the act to start. Tracy gives me a hug and tells me he's glad I could make it, and I force a smile back, hoping he doesn't notice how nervous I am. After a while of talking with him over the crowd of people around us, the music finally starts up and a fog machine goes off on the stage. The crowd cheers, and I find myself surprised that this many people recognize Gus already. Before I can finish that thought, on walks the man himself, the man who has been occupying all my thoughts and driving me mad. Tracy hollers along with everyone else, but I find my frozen in place, eyes following him as he makes his way to the center of the stage. His eyes are shining as he smiles out to the crowd, taking in all the attention. I notice the way his gaze drifts right over me and refuses to linger, and I admit to myself that it hurts. But before I allow myself to sulk, the music gets louder and Gus lifts the microphone up to his lips, and begins to pour out his poetry.

He plays almost the entirety of his first mixtape, including the songs he had shown to me before they were finished. I catch myself singing along, getting lost in the music and forgetting the unspoken issue between me and the boy onstage.

"Aight guys, this is gonna be my last song," Gus says, as the crowd boos in protest. His laughs into the mic, the sound making my heart drop. I had missed his laugh more than anything, and it makes me happy to hear it.

"Don't worry, I'll be back hopefully soon. Anyways, this song isn't released yet, but expect it to be out soon. Um, it's really raw and the person it's about knows it's about them. At least I hope so.. So, anyways, enjoy." he mumbles, as he rubs the back of his neck with an awkward smile plastered on his face. The music starts, and I recognize it immediately. It's the song Gus sent me. My breath hitches in my throat and I swear time stops as Gus lifts his head up, eyes positioned right on me. He begins singing, the crowd drinking in his voice like it's water in a desert, like it's the most precious thing there is. Because to me, it really is. We lock eyes as he continues singing, and I hear Tracy make a comment, but I'm too occupied by Gus to pay attention to anything else. Time passes like molasses, but before I know it the song is over and Gus is saying his goodbyes and thank yous to the crowd, which cheers for him one last time.

Once he's off the stage, the crowd slowly breaks up and it becomes breathable again. Tracy and I stand around for a minute, talking about Gus's set. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, and I roll my eyes as I figure it's a notification for a new assignment from one of my teachers. But instead, it's a text from the one and only.