Xandra with an X

I Did It Again

Xandra digs her nails into my back, moaning, and pulling my hair. I have her trapped against the wall, only because she allowed it though. Taking my hand from between her legs, I pop them into my mouth, sucking them clean.

"Let Popper out, will you." She isn't asking. "I need to shower."

"But-"

"Get dressed." She interrupts me. "Larry will be here any minute."

Without another word I grab my shorts and t-shirt, slamming Xandra's bedroom door behind me. I pull off my bra and thong and throw them to the floor before pulling my bathing suit on. It's still a bit damp from swimming in it earlier this morning so it sticks to me in an awfully uncomfortable way.

"Come on Popper." I call out as I go down the stairs. With absolutely perfect timing Larry comes through the door.

"Hey, V." He sets a bag down and puts his keys in the bowl that's on the third step.

"Hey." I don't stop to talk. I pull out my phone and text Boris, "Pool now."

"Xandra around?"

"Upstairs. Shower maybe?" I grab my dark sunglasses off the counter, but don't make it outside fast enough to miss him saying,

"Oh very good."

"Nasty ass hoe." I spit as soon as the backdoor is closed.

Popper runs from under my feet to his favorite spot in the grass to pee. I watch him trot around for a second before giving him some privacy and jumping into the pool. The water is warm from the sun and I stay under as long as I can. I don't know why, but I've always done that. I wish I would breath under water because something about being completely engulfed by water is just so very comforting to me. While I wait for Boris I swim some laps. Popper knows he's not allowed in the pool so he runs around the outside, keeping up with me.

"Watch out!" Boris yells, giving me no time to move before he jumps in.

"You jerk!" I jump on his back before he can recover.

"Let me wipe my eyes!" He throws me off him and we both laugh. "Joker back?"

"Joker is too iconic of a villain for Larry to be compared to, but yes. He just got back." I climb on his back again, gently this time, and he starts swimming.

"Hope your last fuck while he was out of town was everything and more." He chuckles.

"Fuck off... It would've been if Xandra didn't ruin it. I swear to god she ruins everything, every time something seems to be going well."

"Off topic, but I sold it all." He looks up at me.

"Are you serious? The whole bag?" There were a ton of pills in that plastic bag and I'm stunned that it only took him a few days.

"What can I say, I'm a gifted business man." He shrugs me off and leans against the wall.

"Well, gifted business man, I have an idea."

"What?"

"Your abandoned hang out, lets put it to good use."

His jaw drops. "Oh we've got a legit business if we have an 'office' don't you think?"

"I think so." I smack both of his hands with mine when he holds them up.

The rest of the day we spend making the hang out look less like a murder location. We hang some tapestries, lights, and spray paint some fun designs on the walls. There was already some that Boris did back before I arrived, but he wanted me to add. He officially accepted me into this sacred chill space and we're entering into an adventure bigger than the both of us.

When I get back home I hear Xandra and Larry arguing before I even open the front door. As quietly as I possibly can, I sneak in the door, and go into the laundry room that is right off the foyer. It was a struggle not only because all the shoes that the floor was riddled with, but also I drank with Boris before I returned.

"You didn't even like her now suddenly you're going to the end of the earth for her? What the hell Xandra?" Larry's voice is so strained with rage that is makes me feel sick.

"She's a young woman, her mother, her whole family is dead. Who is suppose to teacher, guide her, huh?" Xandra matches his tone.

"Guide her? That's precious. I'm not blind, I see you looking at her. Are you going to guide her all the way to my bed?"

"My bed, Larry. This is my house, but somehow you keep forgetting."

"I forget because you expect me to do shit, be the man of the house, take care of-"

"Bullshit." she interrupts him. "After everything that happened and my dad died, only one of us went legit. I worked and I worked hard to get where I am so don't you dare. I take care of us, almost completely by myself. Your half ass auto parts job," She scoffs. "You'd make actual money there if you'd work full time and stop fucking around with all that other shit. Why can't you get that through your head for fuck sake?"

"I just-" The anger as fled his voice and it cracks.

"We were in it together, Larry. I said, 'I love you. Let's do this together.' and I had to do it alone while dragging you along!" She goes silent and the only thing I can hear is Xandra's breathing, trying to calm down. "I didn't let go for a reason. Do you not see that?"

My body is going numb, but not in the good way when you've drank a bit too much. It feels like the numb I felt when my bunny bit me in fourth grade so we gave it away, when I was told my mom died, when the first woman I loved told me the feelings weren't mutual. I did it again, fell for a woman out of reach. I fell hard and I fell fast.

"We have our agreements and I've never said a word about the girls you go off with. So what if I look at Vita?"

I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear her lay out this scheme she made up for entertainment.

"Vita is just-" Her words are cut off from the loud thud of me tripping over Larry's boots and slamming the door to catch myself. "Vita?"

I quickly pull myself off the floor and pull off my shoes. "Sorry." I laugh. "I guess I just drank too much with Boris." I choke down a sob and it doesn't go unnoticed.

"Are you okay, V?" Larry and Xandra are now in the foyer with me.

"Yeah, just landed weird. Hurt my ankle." I laugh. "But actually I forgot my charger at Boris' house so I'll be back in a bit."

"I'm sure we have an extra one around here. Let me help you upstairs." They both step towards me.

"I'm fine guys, really." I hold my hand up and start up the stairs. "I'm totally fine."

I carefully make my way up the stairs, making sure my face is never visible to them. Once my door is shut and locked behind me, my tears fall like Niagara. I shove the end of my pillow into my mouth for a makeshift gag and scream. Everything in the room has blurry in the dark and it drains me even more. At the side of the bed I stand and scream until my vocal cords burn. I scream and dig my nails into my arm, just trying to feel something.

Once the numb has past I pull the pillow out of my mouth and crawl into bed. I grab my mom's bear and squeeze it in my aching arms. My chest feels tight, making it harder to breath, so I grab my inhaler. I use it at least once a day now that I've moved here. It will take a while to start working, but I need to calm myself till then. I lay flat on my back and just let the pain overtake my body. It runs from my chest out, to my arms in, and from my ankles up. I swear I can feel every molecule in my dancing with a shredding anxiety.