Xandra with an X

You Can't Tell Anyone

~I don't usually give warnings but I feel like I need to with this. If you think you'll have a hard time reading about Vita having sex for money & taking drugs I'll put markers so you skip the graphics~

Crunching on my cereal, I try my best to force the flavorless squares down into my system. I haven't eaten all day so I'm getting lightheaded. I can't help it though. I feel sick to my stomach knowing what I'll be doing tonight. My hands are shaky, palms sweaty, and I have to stop. How am I going to do this if I'm just freaking the fuck out the whole time?

"Vita, you know you don't have to do this." Boris pulls me from my millions of mixed thoughts.

"What? I know that." I gulp down a clump of cereal, wanting to throw it back up as soon as its down.

"I really think you're doing this to prove something to yourself and it's starting to worry me."

"We'll don't worry Boris." I pull my hand away as soon as he reaches for it.

"I just don't know if-"

"If I have a good reason to do it?" I interrupt him and his brow furrows in confusion. "And money is?"

"No, V. I'm saying I think you're going to hurt your mental health. You haven't even fully processed what happened to your mom, and this thing with Xandra, it's a lot. We were having fun with this little game and when you said you wanted to go further I didn't think you actually would. If I knew you were serious I would've said no."

"You would've said no..?" My eyebrows lift as my  

"I think it's time we call it."

"No, you want me to call it. You're gonna go off and continue to do it so why can't I? And since when do you control what I do?"

I leave him at the table and go upstairs. Applying light makeup and throwing on a thong and black bra, I finish getting ready. My hairdryer busted so I'll just have to deal with my locks air-drying. Thankfully it's not long enough to get the neckline of my crop top damp. I hate that.

"Are you coming or am I doing this alone?" I slide my flats on.

"I'm coming..." Boris mumbles, following me out the door. He stays silent the entire walk there until we see car lights pulling up towards us. "You're sure Xandra's out late tonight?"

"Yeah." Once the car is gone, I cut across the patchy grass and enter the half finished house through the front door. It's a regular, white door, just doesn't have a lock on it.

First thing I have to do is find Boris's snack chest. We took everything we wanted hidden during this event upstairs. The chest is in the far corner, our beanbag chairs on either side. Flipping the lid I dig for Boris' favorite small box that contains his stash.

"Come on Vita you barley go in that thing." Boris crosses his arms.

What are you, my father? Without another thought, I tear off the lid, swallowing two random pills dry before I grab a Mikes Hard from the cooler. The fruity liquid eases the tension in my throat from the pills and I chug over half of it.

More. I need something more.

I've barley pulled the small baggie of white powder out of the box when Boris rips it from my hand. "No. You have to be able to function if you're gonna do this." He growls. "Two pills and a mikes is enough. Even if you don't do it you're gonna hurt yourself if you-"

"Boris." I look him straight in the eye. I have to. I have to grab hold on something when everything else is out of my control. "Stay up here and don't come down unless I yell for you."