When strangers become friends..

Chapter 26

Candys POV

"Uhm... I don't feel so good... would it be okay if i go now? I don't feel so good...", I murmur, my eyes cast down onto the tiled floor of the mall.After a quick goodbye, i hurriedly turn around and half jog towards the exit whilst fumbling for my pink headphones in the pocket of my black coat. I love my coat. It goes past my knees and is just slimfit enough to hug my waist.

I'm usally not the flashy kind of person, although I might be, if only I were more confident.

Which I'm not. At all.
Sigh. I really hate myself..

I've never had a boyfriend, even though I'm almost 15. Everyone has had one by now, it seems. I don't know if I actaully long for the romance, the butterflies, verything I read about, you know, all that crap, or if I'm just curious. It seems tedious to think about it, though, because, come on, who could ever love me? I'm chubby and my chin is misshaped and I'm overall ugly, inside and out. Selfish and disgusting. That's all I can think about as I walk the streets back home, not even paying attention because I know the route so well I could walk it asleep. I don't know why I left so suddenly. I really don't. I do that quite often, but I usally know the reason. Sometimes it's because I feel inferior, other times because I'm just so done I can't handle anything anymore. But today, just now, it was different. I know I should appreciate the new friendships I just formed, how kind those two girls were to me, how they let me join them and everything. Instead all I think of is the moment when they started talking about Janines relationship.. I mean, yeah, I'm probably jealous, but I don't tend to leave because of jealousy. And that kind of jealousy has never bothered me that much.

Maybe.. maybe... maybe I'm not jealous of janine for having a boyfriend, but for him having her as his girlfriend? But that... it can't be! I don't like Janine that way. I think.

I mean... we haven't known each other for that long. And I'm not a lesbian! ..i think.

I scroll through the list of my music and find a song that seems fit to the situation. "Hayden James - Something about you". It never ceases to make me smile, the housey tune makes me adapt my step to the beat and I have to restrain myself from dancing. I love dancing, but I don't like dancing in front of other people, I freeze. But when I'm home alone and the stereo is turned up so loud my ears hurt, i let every preoccupation drop and lose myself in the motions until I'm in a trance. I forget everything. And that is exactly what I intend to do now, as my parents are away somewhere, consulting clients or sucking up to some rich person. I open the front door just as the telephone starts to ring.