Fireflies In My Heart (Blueprint Series #1)

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I am staring at my ceiling for God knows how long now, contemplating whether to tell it to the father of my child. He has the right to know but my concern is if he will accept it or not. Napagkasunduan rin namin ni Adela na wala munang makakaalam na buntis ako maliban sa aming dalawa at kay Dra. Zarri.

Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa parents ko or kahit kay Kuya Alejandro. Kakagaling ko lang sa ob-gyne after ng classes ko kanina at ngayon hawak hawak ko ang ultrasound. Magte-ten narin ng gabi.

"Hello?" Sagot ko sa tawag ni Adela.

"Aiden's going there at your condo right now. I'm just informing you." Dali dali kong pinatay ang tawag at inayos ang aking pad. Nagkalat kasi ang documents ko sa table galing sa ospital! Hindi pa ako ready sabihin sakanya ang bagay na ito. I need time.

Narinig ko na ang sunod sunod na katok na dahilan pa ng muntikan kong pagkatapilok. I should know how to calm down! Hindi ko naman alam na andyan na agad siya! Parang kakatawag lang sakin ni Adela. Hay.

"Let's talk." He said while intently looking at my eyes. I gulped.

"Come in." Pinapasok ko naman siya. Sinuri ko ang kabuuan ng aking living room at mukhang wala naman akong naiwan roon.

"Anong paguusapan natin?" I nervously asked. Umupo naman ako sa tapat ng inuupuan niya. Nagbago ang buong mood ko nang marinig ang kaniyang sinabi.

"Kaya mo pa ba?" He asked. I felt my knees weakened with his words. It's like the shield I built around me popped just like a bubble. Napatingin ako sa kawalan. For a moment, I somehow forgot the sadness I was bearing because of the little life God gave us.

"H-hindi ko alam." I was unsure all of a sudden. Lahat ng panandaliang saya natabunan lang ulit ng lungkot. Leiluna. My sister.

"You need to move on." He said while not removing his eyes on me. Hindi ako sumagot. Parang may pumipigil sa lalamunan ko magsalita.

"Worrying and complaining changes nothing. Kailangan mo bumangon kahit gaano pa iyan kasakit." Alam ko. I started sobbing. All my emotions are starting to show up. Again.

"You must learn how to live without her, Luna." I covered my ears. I know what's right pero hindi tinatanggap ng sistema ko.

"Alam ko! Huwag mo nang ipamukha sakin, please! I'm getting there." Nanghihina nanaman ako. Can I skip being sad and just be happy?

"Ayan nalang ba ang palagi mong gagawin? Iiyak? Hindi kakain? Iniintay mo pa bang pati ikaw mawala?" Sobra na akong nasasaktan, idagdag mo pa ang sinasabi ni Aiden. Lahat tumatagos.

"If you don't have anything to say. Please, leave." I said while kneeling on the floor. Hindi ko mabasa ang kanyang mga mata, madilim. Galit? Lungkot? Pagod?

"Don't close your doors for people who wanted to help you, Luna." Sabi niya bago kuhanin ang gamit at naglakad paalis. I still believe it's not the end of us. I hope.

Akala ko okay na ako. I have enough reason to move forward. I was getting there but it vanished so easily. I don't think I can ever tell Aiden about our child. Not so soon.

Binuksan ko ulit ang envelope na naglalaman ng mga documents galing sa doctor ko kanina. I stared at my baby's ultrasound. In a few months, there will be another color in my black and white world. I smiled. Even when I don't ask, God is giving us unexpected blessings. He knew what I needed even before I did.