Confessions of a Wanton

37 Set them free

🎶Set you free - Sam Ryder🎶

Charlotte:

I started to feel nervous the closer we got to the truck. Like we were in a dark tunnel and something sinister was waiting in the other side. I don't know what the feeling was that was unfurling inside of me.

Anxiety? Fear? Why do I feel like my stomach is suddenly in knots?

The pain came in a flash. Lightning bolts of misery eviscerating my insides.

What the fuck is it now?

I'm sick of being sick to my stomach, of being jerked around, of being told one thing and the truth being something entirely different. I'm exasperated with my lack of willpower to get through.

I always look in the mirror and stare at the person I am. I always accept it. I always try to keep my head. I always adapt.

What the fuck has me messed up now? Why is there pain in my very soul?

The clothes dropped out of my mouth and a whimper escaped my muzzle. The color faded back into my vision as I hit the ground with a resounding thud. I feel weak.

The enormity of what just happened hit me.

I am guilty of taking the lives of those that I loved.

Do I even have the right to be happy with Damien?

I understand. Killian was, somehow, using his silver eyed mind control and I had forgotten what I did. I hadn't remembered what it was that I had done, or even been fully aware when I'd set the bomb.

I had been able to look into the mirror before and saw someone who was blameless. Someone who had fought her battles against the darkness and won.

What do you do when the darkness is you?

You fall. You realize that no one is blameless. No one who has done the things I'd done to people they loved, deserved a second chance. Deserved life at all.

Lying on the ground I struggle to want to breathe again. I struggled with my actions after I found out what I had done. My very soul is tearing itself to pieces with the lacerations this newfound knowledge is ripping into my skin.

Why do I get to go on when they didn't even see me coming?

What kind of person am I that I can even think about being happy again?

Maybe I don't understand this whole mate bond. Is the mere fact that Damien is around the reason I am still breathing?

I can feel his hot breath on my face. His wolf shape whining in concern.

I blink up at him. My human lashes wet with unshed tears.

Who is this person that I have become? The one that cries every single day? This isn't me.

Is it?

Who am I anymore?

I can feel myself being pulled into his arms. The clothes sliding over my body as he dresses me. I feel limp in his arms. No longer distraught; Just numb.

The sheer amount of excruciating torment that I felt moments before, gone as quick as it came. Leaving me motionless, detached. Too tired to do more than allow the tears to flow from my eyes, barely blinking them away, much less having the energy to pull my hand up to wipe them.

My body jolts with each step he takes. His voice is low, hoarse sounding through my filter of detachment.

Why am I like this?