Confessions of a Wanton

20 Visions

Above: Charlotte

🎶 Hopeless : Always Never 🎶

Charlotte:

I stretch a little in the tub, extremities lax with content, limbs warmed and body fully sated. My headache is gone thanks to Killian's arms around me as a proverbial safety net, holding back my demons from consuming me entirely.

He nuzzled my jaw with his nose. Lightly nipping my neck, the place he'd bitten. I feel full. Weightless.

"I'm sorry."

I had to have imagined the whisper. Killian doesn't apologize. He does everything for a reason. He is stone cold. My constant. If I could rely on anything, it would be that Killian Michael Night would be there in my weakest moments, egging me to go on with his thousand yard stare. He'd always believed in me. Just never showed affection unless we were in bed... even then...

Feelings have never come into our conversations. We'd never crossed that line even to apologize. We always accepted the things that piss us off and move on. Or the things we'd appreciated about the other, other than the physical, were strictly taboo.

Not the healthiest of tactics to be sure but... I couldn't have heard that right, right?

"What?" I turn to my head to look up at him over my shoulder. His arms are wrapped around me tightly, around my shoulders, clutching my chest and stomach. Holding me close to him in a way he never has before.

The candle is burning low. I can barely see his face, his eyes have a sort of shine to them in the waning candle light, but the sun is rising and I know I'll be able to see him in a few minutes. I nuzzle his jaw with my nose, sending tingles through my chest. I've never seen him unshaven. He's spent so much time with me that I can feel the stubble beginning to form a beard. I reach up my hand to rub my thumb along the other side of his jaw while I kiss his neck.

A mix between a sigh and a groan escapes his mouth and I can feel him hardening against my backside again. I chuckle. This man is insatiable. And I thought I'm a wanton.

I reach around behind me stroking him to full length before turning around to straddle him. The water is taking away any natural lubrication I have, making the friction even more delicious. I moan into his ear as I lean into his chest. Taking his earlobe in between my teeth I tug a little, slowly working him. The tub is fairly full with the both of us in it, and I don't want to clean up the mess later. We've never fucked like this before.

5 years and we'd never sat in a bath together. I'd never lost myself In his arms, feeling the warm water slosh against us both as my rhythm speeds up. We've never stared into each others eyes quite like this.

I can't take any more.

I'm clutching his shoulders, head thrown back as I ride him through my orgasm. Water is sloshing on the floor and I don't care. The sound he makes when he comes, fucking worth it.

I come back down as he's lifting me off of him, placing me back in his arms. He's growling softly, licking my neck. It feels so familiar, but I'm positive he and I have never done this. My no biting rule and all.

We've refilled the tub twice, over the night. We're both pruny but I don't want to get up. I don't want to leave. I want to stay like this a little longer. I don't want him to leave. We settle into a comfortable silence as he holds me as close as I can get to him.

The bites on my neck burn a little. The one whose origin I can't seem to remember is burning hot, the other, Killian's, is so cold it feels like it's burning too.

The first rays of sunshine peak through the high window of my condos bathroom. Shining pink, the lights cascades over the large mirror, letting light pour over Killian's features, as I'm sure it is for mine too. Making him look angelic. Not the fallen one this time.

But the look on his face has my heart wanting to break into a million pieces.

He looked lost. Maybe even about to cry. The sadness rolling off of him is nearly tangible. As if I could scoop it up with my hands and toss it away, but it would keep coming because it's coming through a floodgate that's been opened. Not like a small stream. He looks like regret is eating him from the inside out, melancholy written on his every feature. Does he regret fucking me?

I can barely keep eye contact with him in this position So I turn my body in his arms, he is letting me, and loop my arms around his neck instead. My chest is flush against his. Our breath mingling as I rub slowly against his growing hardness.

I sigh, Holding him close, burying my face into his neck. I felt the urge to bite him back the way he'd bitten me. To claim him as if he is mine to keep. To fuck him again until he makes that sound I didn't even know he could make.

Something's holding me back though. I can't place the feeling. This reluctance. I don't know where it's coming from.

"I shouldn't have had you go. I shouldn't have brought you into this." I looked up at him. His silver eyes holding so much pain, it's started to spill over. A single tear leaked out of the corner of his eye, the sheer magnitude of what I am witnessing hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Killian doesn't show weakness. To anyone. It's the first rule he'd taught me.

"I'm so sorry, Char." He looked away, up at the ceiling. His Adam's Apple bobbing in this throat and he swallowed. Trying to get a hold of himself. I rub his chest soothingly, at a loss for words.

I don't know what he's talking about.

Brought me into what?

My head is starting to pound again. I rest my cheek on his collar bone as he rubs my back soothingly. I'm trying to push back the pain, hold this conversation. I know it's important. I can feel it in my gut. The pain is getting more intense with every breath.

I suddenly have double vision. I'm lying here with Killian. But I'm also slumped in the front passengers seat of a large vehicle. A truck maybe? Clutching my head with large hands, as I stare down at my large legs. Feet encased in combat boots. I'm growling in pain.

I feel like I know who this person is. That I want them near me. Always. I don't understand this feeling. What I have with Killian has always been enough for me.

This person made my walls break. And built them back up. I can feel it. I know them. But how?

"Char?" The voice is familiar. Deep, musical, Rough with grief. But like a balm on my aching soul. Also like venom in my veins. Killian's bite pulsed and I went numb, the double vision cut off, but not before I heard an agonizing roar, filled with all the sounds of heartbreak.

Tears cascade over my cheeks. I feel like I'm losing something very important to me and it's making my heart hurt even through the numbness. The pain feels warm, a familiar companion, I welcome it. I haven't felt it in years but I know it so well it brings comfort, like an old friend coming to visit. The ache in my chest is deep, a chasm of emptiness that is filled with the loneliness and self deprecation that I've felt all my life.

I don't understand what's happening to me. Why would Killian tell me I'm changing? What does that even mean?

I want to know what has happened. I look up to see the unusually expressive eyes of the only person who I know should have answers. And I hesitate.

Would he even tell me?

🤥

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