shikkaku // dazai one shots

be ■■■■

"things aren't working."

dazai looked up at you.

"they're just not working. no matter what i do, things aren't turning out the way i want it. i want to know who i am, but everything i do just leads to more shame and more questions. i've realised recently that i hate a lot of people that i'm friends with not because of their own fault or anything, but because i resent them for being able to be happy and feel things."

he watched you bury your head in your hands.

"i just want to be normal. and be liked. i want to cry. why did i have to be the one with a fucked up brain and a shitty childhood? why does everyone else get to be happy and have dreams? everything i've ever wanted to do—no matter how hard i work towards it—ends up failing."

dazai quietly walked towards you, wrapping his arms around your body, pulling you closer. he didn't offer any words of consolation, and he wasn't intending to.

you squirmed out of his grasp. "i'm sorry."

"don't be."

"no, really, i—i'm just being dramatic." you offered him a smile, before looking away.

he wanted to say something about how you weren't being dramatic, that it's okay for you to feel the way you felt, that you were still young and you still had a lot to live for. he wanted to tell you that life is pleasantly unpredictable and that in the end things have a mysterious way of working out and being just what we need.

but he didn't really believe that.

so he stayed quiet.