shikkaku // dazai one shots

fated

you stared at dazai, watching him silently. the two of you were sat on his futon, your knees tucked into your chest, one wrapped arm around them while the other held onto his gently. his legs were crossed, his bandages loose and showing his broken skin and scars. his eyes were red, his cheeks stained with tears. his skin was pale, he hadn't been eating.

the two of you sat silently, nothing more left to say. he felt so tired, so depressed, so fucking alone. you knew that. his clothes were covered in blood, the stench of alcohol clinging to him like a parasite. "oh, dear osamu," you whispered softly, "you aren't doomed to be like this. you aren't cursed by fate." you moved to your knees, kneeling in front of him, looking into the deep pools of despair in his eyes. "we're going to die, one day, as alone and as scared as we were when we were born, and we'll feel cold and despair for the last time before saying goodbye. none of us can ever escape that truth." you rested your forehead against his. "and we'll have funerals, where our loved ones will come and talk about us and the impact we had on them. and they'll cry for us. and they'll miss us. but until that day, we can do as we like. we aren't cursed to be this, this sad."

dazai stared at you blankly, as if he wasn't looking at you but through you, as if there was nothing there. his mouth parted as he struggled to speak, a choked sob leaving him.

"one day, we'll go to a valley, and we'll pass by the magnificent hills, a beautiful creek running below it, glistening in the early morning sun. we'll take a seat, dip our toes in the cool water, watch the sun rise before continuing on our way. we'll see the small villages in the distance, the little yellow roofs below us and we'll say, 'this must be it,' but it's not.

we'll continue on our way, seeing an open field with sunflowers as tall as our legs, the sweet scent surrounding us, the sound of their leaves rustling in the wind. and we'll be at peace, we'll want to rest there, so we will. we'll spend time taking in the scenery. 'this must be it,' we'll think. but it's not, so we'll continue on our way.

we'll see the blue mountains in the distance, the golden wheat below our feet, the gorgeous apple tree where we sit for shade. and there, we'll rest because we have a long way to go. we'll eat from the tree, we'll watch the wheat dance in the wind, we'll sleep in the shade." you cupped his cheeks, wiping away his falling tears. "we've got a long way to go, my love, why don't we take our time?"