Billboards and Benches

Chapter 25

October fifth

"Only a few more months peanut." Shawn smiles pressing his lips against her stomach. He shuts off his lamp turning to face her. "And not long after that I can finally get back to what we used to do." She's almost twenty four weeks. Their baby girl is still little and the doctors have been trying hard to figure out why. She isn't growing much and she can't retain nutrients well either. "Hang In there baby girl. You're so close." He smiles kissing her soft skin.

"Do you think peanut will be okay?" She turns. She blames herself day and night for the complications that have arisen. She can't help it her baby girl isn't doing as well as she could be and she's supposed to be safe in her mamas womb.

"I think that peanut will do whatever peanut wants. If peanut ends up with us then we made her at the right time. If peanut doesn't then she just wasn't ready, I promise we'll get her back though. She knows that we're waiting for here now and later if it comes to that." He nods slowly. She stares at her stomach sitting in complete silence. She has to make sure peanut is still moving.

"What if peanut isn't ready to meet us?" Her eyes go glossy and he offers a frown.

"I promise you right here right now that no matter how long or how hard it might be we're going to have a peanut of our own." He pulls her head down against his shoulder. He hates seeing her so upset knowing that there's nothing that can be done. He wants to offer her all of his support but no matter how much he gives her it won't ever be enough. He wants to take over for her, he knows it's stupid and pregnancy is hard but he wants to take the pain away from her. If they lose their baby she may never recover.

"Pinky promise?" She holds out her pinky wiping her tear filled eyes.

"I pinky promise." He nods laying next to her. "Lay down, let me hold you for a little bit." He begs though he does his best to keep a stern voice. She can't help her giggle. She slowly leans her head against his chest. "Good girl." He smiles planting a kiss against her temple.

She watches his breathing patterns while they shift. He moves slightly to gain himself a more comfortable sleeping position so she moves with him. She keeps her head on his chest drawing lazy shapes on his chest. He smiles kissing her forehead.

"Go to sleep baby girl I'm tired." He whines and she nods hugging him close. She keeps her breathing steady and tries to move as little as possible so that her boyfriend can fall asleep without problems.

"We'll be okay peanut." She whispers once she's assured her boyfriends sleeping. "If you're not ready then you'll come back and we'll be okay waiting for a little." She nods drawing shapes on her bump. She can feel a kick against her hand. "I know baby girl. It's okay." She nods slowly holding her hand against where her baby girl kicked her. "We'll be alright." She hums sitting up slowly. "Shawn?" She turns moving the blankets. "Babe wake up!" She pushes his arm. "I'm bleeding?" She swallows hard.

"Come on peanut, it's too early." He pleads though it doesn't stop the blood. "Alright baby girl, lets go." His jaw tenses and he grabs a towel from the closet. He sets it on the seat in the car while she slides in. "It's gonna be okay."

...

"It's okay peanut." He whispers. He just assumed that Dylan was asleep. He's never seen her cry so much. He's never seen her so upset. "You just weren't ready to be with us. You'll come back, you'll be more perfect than the first time." He nods staring at the piece of paper in his hand. Dylan signed the birth and death certificate before any of this even happened. She didn't look twice she just wanted it to be done and dealt with. He didn't want to sign a death certificate if he didn't know that their baby girl was already gone.

"Let's go home?" She looks up at him earning a soft nod. She can see the flashing lights out the front entrance and she sighs. She doesn't know how anyone knew she was here. It's the middle of the night and she wasn't ready for anyone to know.

"If that's what you wanna do." He nods squatting down in front of her. He fixes the blanket covering her legs. "Do you wanna stay in the chair or walk?" He hums holding her hands loosely.

"I'd rather walk but the nurses won't let me." She gives a soft smile. "Thank you for trying to help her." She swallows. She was so sure with the whole team that was working on her baby girl they might get five minutes with her where she could breathe on her own. They never got their chance.

"I'm very sorry for your loss." One of the nurses smiles back weakly. They all offered condolences and their apologies but non of it brought her baby girl back. She just wanted her baby girl to hold for a little longer.

"Thanks." Shawn mumbles when Dylan doesn't. "You ready?" He sighs looking at the lights as well.

"We can bring you out the back if you want?" A nurse stops them before they can wander off into the sea of cameras. They just lost their baby and they need time to hurt on their own. "Come on this way, you can sneak right past them and get to your car." She nods as does Shawn.

"We'll get her back. She just wasn't ready." He whispers to his girlfriend who tries her hardest to keep her tears back. She thought she cried every tear she had left in her body but she managed to find more tears to cry for her baby girl.

"I miss her already." She whispers looking at her bump. It's nothing but a painful memory. An empty lump that she wishes would just go away. They said it might take time for her bump to go away. She wants it gone now, she needs it gone.

"Me too." He looks up and sighs. "Goodbye Skylar." He smiles softly. They needed something to put on the birth certificate and Dylan knew they wouldn't have her long. She proposed Skylar because their baby girl would soon be up in the sky. "We love you baby girl."