loop ||•annyeongz•||

chapter 13

Day 9

Yujin felt like shit.

Scratch that. She felt like dying.

Yujin felt her whole body ache, her swollen ass eyes hurt like hell and she was pretty sure she looked like garbage.

She looked at herself in the mirror of her bathrooms and god, she did look like garbage. Her shoulders slumped, her face was bloated and she looked like she had just gone through nine breakups and six divorces all at once.

Yujin really wanted to die.

She strutted to the kitchen and passively poured herself a cup of coffee. If she needed to get out of this god forsaken loop, she needed to live. If she needed to live, she needed to stay awake. And if she needed to stay awake, she needed caffeine. Yujin slowly took a sip from the mug.

No sooner had the liquid made contact with her tongue, she almost spews it out of her mouth. Yujin didn't know how long the coffee had been sitting in the coffee machine for but it tasted horrible, just like herself. She quickly set the mug down on the counter, immediately ditching the idea of drinking self made coffee.

Yujin contemplated on running down to the nearest coffee shop to satisfy her much needed daily caffeine dose. But then she checks the time and it's already 2 at noon and only insane people would ever consume coffee in the middle of the day. Insane people like Jinsol, perhaps.

The thought of the older woman reminded her of the vulnerable position she was currently in. Yujin just wanted to give up and live the rest of her life stuck in the same old cycle at this point. It had been nine days. Nine fucking days and she couldn't even make the slightest progress in talking someone out if their death.

Not to mention that she had just bawled her eyes out the night before for the same person.

Yujin went straight to her bedroom and collapsed face first onto the matress. She sniffed a little, pulling the sheets up to her chin. All she wanted to do was to curl into a ball and spend the whole day being a blanket burrito. It was clear. This was the end of her. She was going to end her life like that. In a stinking, rotten apartment under her unwashed covers with nobody by her side to watch her die.

Okay, maybe she was exaggerating slightly but Yujin felt the urge to remain in bed the whole day nonetheless. Her stomach rumbled in hunger, having eaten nothing since she woke up. All feelings of impending doom she felt at the moment wasn't helping either.

She avoided thinking about Wonyoung. Afterall she was the reason Yujin was having an existential crisis in the first place. She was sick of the younger girl effortlessly and cluelessly waltzing in and out of her head everytime and Yujin was so definitely done with all the confusing feelings she felt towards the other girl.

They had kissed. Feelings may or may not have been involved. If there were, Yujin was afraid of confronting them.

She tossed and turned on the bed for the next half an hour or so. She tried sleeping it off but the internal chaos that was raging inside her made it impossible to do so. She simply wasn't tired either. Yujin knew she was eventually going to end up killing herself if she stayed any longer in the bedroom so she promptly left her bed and strutted to the bathroom.

After taking her sweet time in the shower, she exited the bathroom and opened the wardrobe. She skimmed through the numerous clothing, looking for something less E-girly. The bright neon tee she pulled out from the corner gave her a headache.

Yujin knew her sense of dressing wasn't all that bad, except for the odd sweatshirt here and there but looking at herself in the mirror, she wondered if she was even in her right mind.