16th May
Dear mum,
i'm so grateful to you, you always been there for me and I love you so much.
You were a so beautiful mum to me but not so much supportive as I wanted.
When I said to you I wanted to sing and make music my whole life you laughed at my face.
You wanted the perfect daughter but I can't be and now, now I'm not even with you.
When you found my sexuality you cried and I understand because it can be hard to accept that type of things but, not to say that it's the internet nowadays to make me believe that I'm not straight, or that was fault of my best friend because I got influenced. Most of all you said that is "a period" and "only my imagination".
How it can be?
How can I imagine that?
I'm sorry for what I did but you didn't trust me, you never trusted me.
You were always so serious around me and I was stressed. A lot.
So probably that's why I stopped it.
I wanted to be free, with my head empty of thoughts.
It was all empty inside me, even my life was empty.
You're the second letter mum, the second reason and I'm so sorry.
Picture me as happy now and you will too.
I wasn't so happy and you saw that, you always asked me but I couldn't tell you because I knew that you wouldn't understand.
You never understood me and it's so fucking shitty.
I wanted to be happy with you and all my family but you bullied me too.
"you'll never be a model" "you can't do that" "how the fuck do you talk?" "stop talking about them" "you're not so beautiful" "you're not perfect" "I didn't wanted you"
all these words putted together, step by step, can destroy a person. Like they did to me.
love and support is shown through trust, if you don't have it for the other it means you don't deserve them.
I miss you and I'm sorry,
L.
