22nd May
Dear C***,
I did too much to you, I probably broke your heart in some ways that I don't know and I'm sorry. I know this can't be fixed anymore and probably you won't believe me anymore, but I need you to know that I'm still thinking about you every fucking hour and every fucking minute.
I need you to know that I love you so much, you became my happiness, but sometimes you were the reason of my tears.
You're also the forth reason why I'm not here anymore.
I didn't know you as in person, but I knew that we'll meet and live together a good life.
The problem's that you ran so fast, you did the things became bigger as they were and I felt obligated to so some things. I literally felt uncomfortable with you sometimes.
The most of the time I chatted or I talked with you we were kind of... perfect together, but the times go fast and also you went fast and I didn't know how to stop it.
You were so kind and so free for me, but you were too stodgy sometimes.
You were a beautiful person to me and I feel like I wasn't for you.
I know I helped you with somethings but I couldn't stand that anymore and... and I left.
I left like a coward. Like I always do.
I run away of my feelings because I started to... I started to love you so much and I felt uncomfortable with this feeling. Like it wasn't right.
I wrote poems about you and also one song that saying it now to you is so fucking embarrassing but you deserve to know what my sick mind thought.
As a wolf in the night
I stand on a cliff
I look at the moon
as it's the only thing I can see
and you are my moon
you're the reason for my howls
and the cliff is my feelings
that I can face backing
or I can escape
by jumping down.
That's the shortest version I can tell.
Yes, there are things that I can't admit here.
And I am sorry one more time.
Because I loved you and I ran away.
Please don't do the same thing that I do,
L.
