incarcerated

23.

     eddy went home that night to an empty house. after showering in blazing hot water until it turned cold enough to hurt, he climbed into his empty bed and stared at the ceiling. sleep had not come easy to him for months and this was no different—it had no reason to be. in fact, it was worse. every time he closed his eyes, brett's words echoed in his tired mind.

     you have before.

     and he was right. everything that had happened to him had absolutely been eddy's fault, hadn't it? at least, that's what he told himself as he laid there in terrible silence. brett was ruined and it was all his fault.

another thing keeping eddy far from slumber was the uncertainty about what exactly would happen after brett was released. would they live together? would it even be possible for them to learn to function as a normal couple after all that had happened? eddy didn't know, and he hated it. exasperated, he groaned loudly and sat up in bed.

he needed a drink.

eddy had never really been very interested in drinking, honestly. he found that the terrible taste of the liquid disgusted him too much for the effects to be worth it. every time he'd tried it, he'd given up before he felt very much. but this was different. despite how long he'd been warden, eddy had never been this stressed. thinking about brett and his safety had him on edge all the time. it was exhausting.

not to mention the fact that brett had hurt him that day, whether the taller boy would admit it or not. he knew he had deserved it and brett had apologized, but that didn't make it hurt any less. the words played in his head over and over as he walked down the stairs.

all he had was a bottle of vodka in the freezer that had been there for god knows how long. eddy honestly couldn't remember when or why he'd purchased it, but it was full and he was heartbroken so it didn't matter.

he hadn't felt absolutely terrible when he'd started his walk down to the kitchen, but his heart became heavier with every step he took. it felt as if the weight of everything that had happened was crashing down on him and it was almost too much to handle. he wanted brett, but he couldn't have him. he wanted happiness, but he couldn't have it either. so he decided to settle for becoming numb.

as his lips wrapped around the cold bottle and the bitter liquid touched his tongue, he remembered why he hated it so much. the taste was almost unbearable and he winced as he sat down in the kitchen floor. nausea hit him hard as he drank again, but he ignored it. he didn't want to stop. everything hurt and it got a little better with each terrible drink.

once he realized he had had too much, it was too late. the bottle was less than half full, but it wasn't like he could see it anyways. his vision was nearly nonexistent as he laid on the floor, trying his hardest to get up. needless to say, he was extremely unsuccessful. he barely made it onto his knees before he fell backwards and hit his head against the wooden cabinet, groaning loudly.

it was then that the tears came. the numbness had subsided and memories of brett's voice and his soft touch made their way into what was left of eddy's mind that night with no hesitation. the thoughts weren't coherent, just flashes of smiles and hushed giggles, but they were enough to hurt. eddy laid on the kitchen floor and sobbed until the early hours of the morning, when he finally became silent and still.

;

no one knew what to do when the warden did not show up in the morning. the staff tried their hardest to carry on with their duties and kept knowledge of eddy's absence from the prisoners, but they were extremely afraid. eddy hadn't missed a day of work since he'd started years ago. punctuality was one of his strong suits and people would've been anxious if the man had been even five minutes late.