Despite what happened, I still had other classes that I needed to get to, so as soon as I could (that is, as soon as I tore myself from Gerard) I ran to my Math class, apologizing as I stumbled in the door and dropped into the seat next to Joe.
"Dude, where were you in English?" he hissed, but before I could respond, our teacher told him to shut up, and I'd never been so grateful for it in my life. At least now I had a bit of time to concoct an excuse.
I could tell you that I tried to concentrate on my work, but I'd be lying. In fact, I was quite happy to just spend the whole lesson thinking about what had just happened. The way he moaned and whimpered, trying to keep himself quiet, but not being able to keep composed because of me. Because of me. It seemed almost ridiculous that someone like me could have that kind of effect on someone like him, but there it was. My eyes drifted to Joe, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to work out an equation, and I smiled, feeling hysterical laughter threaten to bubble up and out of my throat, only just managing to keep it in. I imagined what would happen if I told him where I really was in English. He'd be shocked, but he'd most likely get used to it. That, or he'd skin Mr. Way alive. It could go either way.
Of course, I wouldn't tell him, or anyone. I couldn't risk it because people finding out would mean that I'd get kicked out of school and probably bullied for the rest of my life, while Gerard faced getting fired, being unable to work as a teacher ever again, a nice cozy place on the sex-offenders list and a nice long stay in prison. I blanched at the thought and rubbed my temples to try and erase it from my mind, but it wouldn't go. I felt a feeling of dread make its way up my legs and into my stomach, making me feel nauseous.
"Iero? Are you okay?" asked my teacher. I hadn't realized, but at some point she'd walked over to me, and was standing by my desk, looking genuinely concerned.
"Um. Yeah. Headache." I stammered, feeling shaken.
"You look pale." She said, tilting her head. I shook my head, making myself even dizzier.
"No 'mfine." I said, my tongue thick. I could still taste Mr. Way on my tongue, and in my paranoid state, I worried that she could smell him on me.
"Go to the nurse, Frank." She said, softer than I was used to from her. I nodded and stood up, the room spinning as I did. I caught Joe's eye and gave him a weak smile as I staggered to the door.
Oh God. I'd ruined everything. We were going to get caught, and he was going to be thrown in prison, and it was all because I couldn't keep my fucking dick in my pants. I sunk to the floor, covering my eyes with my hands and trying to breathe deeply, but it wasn't working. My whole body trembled. I'd pretty much ended his life to feed some damn fantasy. He should hate me. Hell, he probably did, somewhere in the back of his mind. The wall behind me was cold, and I tried to lean my aching head against it to ease the pain, but no relief came. I just felt sweaty and scared and pathetic. I gasped for air, but it was like there was a belt tied tightly around my chest, stopping me from breathing.
Legs shaking, I got myself to my feet. Despite knowing it wouldn't work, I thought I should probably see the nurse. She'd been helpful when I'd had panic attacks before, and maybe she'd let me sleep for a couple hours on the bed in her office. With that in mind, I forced myself to walk to her room, congratulating myself for managing to keep my breakfast in my stomach.
I made it to her room in one piece, more or less, and the second she saw me, she ran over and helped me over to the bed.
"It's been a while since we've had one of these." She laughed, concern apparent on her face. I smiled back, remembering back when I had the biggest crush ever on her. It was ironic, I guess.
"I just need to lie down." I said, my eyes shifting over to the bed. She grinned.
"That's fine, Frankie. Just sleep and you can go back to class whenever you want. I assume you don't want me to call your Mom?" she said, her red lips pulled into a smile. I nodded and dragged myself onto my bed.
