If I hadn't had English that day, I probably would have exploded. I needed to see him, because despite him reassuring me that he was fine last night, he still didn't reply to any of my calls or texts. I sighed, trying to keep my head up and facing the board during Science while my teacher droned on about bonds and shit.
Normally, I'd have been vaguely interested, at least in the practical side of things, but all I could do was watch the hands on the clock slowly slide to the next number, a whole lifetime passing between minutes. I knew I was being crazy, that he was a grown man, and he could take care of himself. I knew that even if he was in trouble, there was very little I could do to help him. I knew that this was my entire fault in the first place, so it was dumb to think I could fix anything – but still, I just needed to see with my own eyes that he was okay. Once I saw him, everything would be okay.
Except that it wasn't.
I saw his shadow on the door before I even walked into the room, and my heart stuttered in my chest. I'd have taken a moment to collect myself, but I was walking next to Chris and wanted to seem like I was fine. We stepped into the classroom, and I subtly tried to look at Mr. Way. He seemed...fine. Perfect, actually. His bottom lip was stuck between his teeth as he scribbled on a piece of paper, his eyes squinted and focused. When he noticed everyone walking in the room, he looked up and smiled coolly.
"Hey guys, how're you all today?" he asked brightly, and the class responded with a unanimous mumble. He nodded, chuckled, and turned back to his paper, waiting for the rest of the class to take their seats. Once they had, he leapt to his feet and danced to the front of the room.
"Okay girls and guys, I'm gonna take in your essays so I can mark 'em." He said, leaning out to grab each sheet from the students. He stopped when he got to my desk and smiled.
"Don't worry, Frank, I remember what you said. Just get it into me when you can, okay?" he said, surprisingly understanding for someone who was bullshitting. I nodded and beamed at him, happy to see him so bright.
"Thanks, sir" I replied. He just nodded and continued around the room.
"So, what I'm looking for here, guys." He said, returning to his desk. He perched lightly on the edge, and put the papers next to him; "is just an understanding. I just need to know that you got the book. Obviously, if that's not the case, we'll do more work on it. I think it's important, though, that you do read it. Not just because it'll help you academically, but because this has to be one of the most important pieces of literature I've ever read." He said seriously.
Everyone nodded. A hand rose in the corner of the room.
"Yes, Anna?" he asked, smiling.
"I read the whole book, and I totally see what you mean. I loved it so much." She gushed (probably lying). Mr. Way beamed at her proudly, clearly oblivious to her ass-licking.
"Glad to hear it."
"You remind me of Atticus." She said, her voice dreamy. He laughed, blushed and ran a hand through his hair.
I was thinking, as always, that he was adorable, when I saw it. I almost missed it, but I definitely saw it, clear as day; a thin red line sneaking out from under his sleeve, curling up around the top of his wrist. As his hand slid further through his hair, the sleeve of his shirt tugged down even further, revealing several more, similar marks. Fuck. Surely, that couldn't be what I thought it was? I looked around and, of course, nobody else had noticed. I turned around just in time to see him snatch his hand down and pull his sleeve back down, his eyes darting around the room to see if anyone had seen, and looking almost relieved when they hadn't. That is, until he looked at me. I wasn't sure what emotion was on my face, but it was enough for his expression to drop. His mouth quivered, like he was going to speak, but then he snapped it shut, turning back to face the class.
