I watched him sleep for a little bit, my hand combing delicately through his hair, until I couldn't ignore the feeling inside my stomach any longer. Honestly, I didn't even know how I felt about him at that point. He'd put his brother in danger, lied to me, hit me, and above all else, he was fucking stoned and drunk. I slid out from under him, knowing that it was unlikely that I'd wake him up, because he'd literally passed out. I saw that Mikey's door was ajar, so I knocked lightly on it.
"Fuck off, Gerard." He snapped. I laughed lightly.
"No, dude, it's me." I said.
"Oh, sorry. Yeah, come in." he said. I closed the door behind me and sat down on the edge of his bed, next to the desk he was sitting at, typing away on his computer.
"He's passed out." I sighed. Mikey laughed lightly.
"What else is new, right?" he sighed.
"So this has been happening a lot?" I asked slowly. Mikey took a deep breath and turned so he was facing me.
"He told me not to tell you, okay? I wanted to, but he told me not to because he wanted to do it himself. I'm sorry." He said sincerely. I shrugged.
"It's not your fault. I just...why is he doing this?"
"Because he's an asshole. Like, literally, he's doing it because he's too much of an asshole to get help." Mikey explained. I shifted uncomfortably.
"He said he fucked seven people while we were broken up?"
"Yeah, I guess that sounds right." Mikey sighed. I chewed my lip and looked down. Mikey put a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Frank. You deserve so much more. Honestly, he's so messed up, even I don't know what to do with him sometimes. You're 18, you should be going out and having fun, not worrying what he's doing."
"It's okay. I love him, you know? I'd kill for him. I just...I want him to be okay, Mikes." I said weakly, trying to ignore the tears that spilled down my cheeks. Mikey put a hand on my cheek to brush the tears away and smiled softly.
"Hey, c'mon. It'll be okay. He's a smart guy, you know? He just doesn't know how to deal with things. We'll get him help." He said firmly.
"I just want him to be okay, and he's not okay. He's never okay. I feel like a fucking failure because I can't even make him happy. Fuck, I didn't even realize the problem was this bad. He made it out to be like he just drank a little too much, I had no idea he was a fucking alcoholic drug addict."
"You forgot sex maniac." Mikey said, smiling grimly, his hand still stroking my cheek comfortingly.
"It's so hard. I didn't know it'd be this hard. I mean, I'd never leave him, but it's just all going to shit. Not only is he slowly killing himself, but now the whole school pretty much knows that we're together, and my best friend is threatening to rat us out, and fuck, everything's fucking falling apart." I sobbed, the tears flowing freely down my cheeks, my breath coming jagged and hard.
"No, it just seems bad. Take things one at a time, okay? For now, just breathe. Panicking isn't going to help." He said soothingly, pushing my hair back from my face. I was thinking about how kind he was, and how lucky I was that I had him, and how he was making everything easier, and how fucking angry I was at Gerard, and how he'd fucking hit me.
And then I was kissing Mikey. He made a kind of surprise jerking motion, but I held the back of his neck to me to stop him from moving away, my tongue prying his mouth open. He didn't kiss back, but he didn't pull away, his hand resting limply and kind of awkwardly against my neck. I let out an insistent whine, and pushed myself harder against his mouth, trying to get him to kiss back. He sighed and curled his hand around my neck, his lips – finally – moving softly against mine. Weirdly, it was that that broke me out of it. I fell away from him, my eyes wide.
