The next few days were even more difficult than the ones before them. Partly because I woke up on the Wednesday morning with a really, really sore ass that lasted the rest of the week, but mainly because I knew he was actually mad at me now. Before I was just...frustrated. But now I was terrified. I considered calling or texting him, but I knew that would just make him angrier.
Instead, and as always, I turned to plan B. I texted Mikey.
TO: mikeyway
(3:45am)
Is he mad at me? Like. Does he hate me? Is he gonna dump me?
FROM: mikeyway
(7:55am)
Dude. Chill.
When that fell through, and he started ignoring my messages too, I just tried to distract myself again.
Unsurprisingly, Joe and Chris didn't invite me out again, but they both texted frequently to make sure I was okay, so I knew that they weren't too mad at me. That was a relief. At least I'd have someone to turn to when Gerard left me.
I sucked in a breath at the thought. If. If he left me. I couldn't get myself worked up.
Despite all of my insecurities, I was still pretty excited when prom rolled around. Sure, I wasn't really into the whole 'dance' thing, but I was definitely into the whole 'making sure the love of my life isn't mad at me and isn't going to break my heart in front of the whole school' thing.
I doubted, of course, that he'd actually do it at prom; he was many things, but he wasn't ever really (intentionally) cruel. He was also a bit of a sucker for these things, so I deduced that he'd probably at least let me enjoy tonight. It would give me an opportunity to assess his behavior though, to see if he was ignoring me.
Gerard had a habit of wearing himself on his sleeve. It was both a blessing and a curse.
I was unsure, to be honest, of the terms of my agreement with Gerard. Did it mean that I could text him on Saturday, or not at all until I actually saw him at prom?
The next question, of course, is did I actually want to talk to him? He was pretty mad the last time I'd seen him, and although the sex had been amazing, I knew it wasn't meant to be pleasurable – he was proving a point.
Despite this, I was actually sort of proud of myself, in a weird way. We'd done stuff – fuck, we'd actually had sex, and I'd been mostly okay with it.
Granted, I was pissed, but maybe I was onto something there. Alcohol might actually help.
I shooed the thought away as soon as it formed properly. I couldn't think like that, or I'd end up like Gerard – or worse, Mikey.
I shivered as I considered it, pulling on my clothes. I felt slightly ridiculous. My school was being very insistent on the whole 'dress formally' thing, meaning that I pretty much had to shove myself into a tuxedo, and actually comb my hair. I couldn't even wear my lip ring, which was bullshit.
Mom told me, maybe fifty million times, that I looked 'absolutely gorgeous' and 'adorable' and that 'Cameron is gonna love you, baby'.
I just rolled my eyes and waited for Joe to come pick me up.
"Why isn't Cam coming to get you? Aren't you going together?" Mom asked, just as Joe texted me telling me he'd arrived. I chewed my lip.
"Ah. Yeah, he's not feeling well." I shrugged. She furrowed her eyebrows.
"I haven't seen him around lately."
"Yeah, I mean I go to his place a lot." I said, my voice shaking. She shrugged.
"Maybe invite him over sometime." She suggested. I nodded weakly, calling out a 'goodbye' as I made my way outside and into Joe's car.
Some people, I'd heard, were showing up in Limos, but thankfully, none of my friends, or I, were absolute assholes, so Joe's beat up car was good enough for us.
