Gerard was gone for two months and six days. Not that I was counting. During that whole time, he didn't speak to me even once. There was a false alarm on New Year's Eve, when my 'Gerard' phone rang. I pulled a muscle in my leg dashing for the phone, and was breathless by the time I picked it up.
"Hel-"
"It's not Gerard." Mikey said bluntly. Way to crush my dreams there. Still, I smiled to hear the younger Way brother sounding so healthy.
"Oh, hey Mikey." I said.
"I just wanted to check on you."
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"Better. I still get kinda confused about stuff, and it's frustrating, but Gee's helping me."
I was silent.
"How is he?" I asked when I couldn't stand it anymore.
"He's doing okay. I think he'll be able to come back soon. He's drinking a lot less, and he's been eating properly, which is good. Got a bit more weight on him. He still, ah, cries though. A lot."
"Oh."
"About you."
"Oh."
"Yeah. He thinks I can't hear him, but um, it's kind of loud." He said awkwardly. I sighed.
"How do you know it's about me?" I asked, lips trembling. He sighed.
"Because he says your name. And swears. It's pretty much your name followed by a string of profanities."
"Oh right."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"N-no. You didn't. I'm glad to hear he's getting better."
"Yeah. I just wanted to tell you that he misses you, because he probably never will. He's kind of stubborn." He chuckled. I smiled at that.
"Yeah, I kinda got that." I laughed.
"Can I be honest?"
"Okay..." I said, shifting uncomfortably.
"He doesn't want to see you ever again."
"Right." I breathed. Yeah, that hurt. A lot.
"No, not like that."
"How else can it be?"
"He's worried that if he sees you, you'll fall in love with him again and get hurt. He's not sure if he can love you properly."
"Again? He thinks I fell out of love with him?"
"Apparently." He said. I could sort of hear the smile in his voice, and realized that he was very amused by all of this. I couldn't blame him – objectively, it must look pretty simple.
"I didn't."
"Yeah, I know. He knows too, he's just being a child." He laughed. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair – this really wasn't what I wanted right now. What a shit way to end the year.
"I've got to get going, but thanks for calling me. If I give you a message, will you tell him?"
"Of course. It'll make his year." He laughed at his own joke. I rolled my eyes and smiled.
"Can you...god, I don't know. Can you tell him that I miss him? No. Wait, don't. Tell him that I'm happy he's getting better. Just that."
"You'll drive him crazy with that one. He'll be wondering what you mean until he sees you next." He laughed, obviously not bothered about that. I smiled.
