It Happened: NCIS

Chapter 23

Melissa's POV:

After the situation that happened with Abby, we went up to her lab and I stayed with her. She worked and would sometimes tell me about what she was working on. I think she really felt bad in what happened and wanted to keep to herself. I stayed in the room with her just to make sure she was okay.

She just needed a reminder that the desk isn't him and she knew that. It just caught her off guard and no one ever catches her off guard. She's always prepared whether we like it or not.

She thanked me on the way out, but it wasn't needed. I was just glad to see her back to normal after a few hours passed.

When we reached the squad room, Ziva was there and I noticed that there was no Tony. I don't know if I wanted to run into him or not. My head is still in a daze with the way he kissed me in my office. I didn't think that it was going to happen. I thought we would have had this under control, but we don't even know what we are. So, how could we?

Ziva and I are back at the house and are probably going to make ourselves comfortable in the kitchen like usual.

"Wine?"

"Sure."

I break out the wine, but only pour her a glass. I take a regular cup and fill it with water for myself. I don't want to taste alcohol until I figure out what's going on with myself.

I join her at the table, and she smiles. "Thank you."

I sip the cold water and it's refreshing. I haven't had a drink all day. "We haven't done this in a while."

"Yeah. I just wanted to give you your space. I didn't want to push you into anything."

"I get it. I appreciate it too." Though, if we didn't stay away from each other, maybe I would know that she was putting the blame on herself for Tim's death.

In that moment, all I cared about was Tim. I didn't know where the other gun was coming from. All I saw from the corner of my eye was him popping out from his hiding spot and his gun going off. It was milliseconds what another one went off and I saw him fall to the ground.

Thankfully, the others were there, or I would have dead too. A few weeks ago, I wished I was, but I stopped when I saw how much others were hurting and caring for me. I wouldn't want them to lose anyone else. I don't want to lose anyone else either, but I don't go out on the field. Not anymore.

"So, are you feeling better?" I direct the conversation to her.

She widens her eyes. "I feel much better. I hate to see Abby like that though."

I sigh. I know what she means. I never saw that side of her really. Usually, I was the one going at her and she never reciprocated. She's that kind of person when it comes to her friends.

"Yeah, that was something I didn't see coming. I don't think she saw it coming either though. Not with the way she reacted."

"You handled it well though."

Sighing seems like the theme of today's hangout. "I just told her what I had to tell myself the first day back. The desk isn't him or what made him. It's just a desk."

"Does that have something to do with you not wearing your ring?" She looks at my hand and I can feel the coldness around my finger again.

I look down at it for the first time since I took it off. It's over there in the living room on the table. I took it off before going to sleep and I only cried for a few minutes. A few minutes is good news for the amount of times I've cried since.

"Yeah, a little."

"Look," She takes my hand and makes me look at her. "I didn't bring it up to make you feel bad. It just caught my attention because of how much I know you love him."

"I don't deserve to wear the ring."

I'm not looking at her, but I see she jumped back, and her hand slowly moves from mine. "Melissa, what are you talking about?"

I could cry right now, but I have to stay strong. Ziva's problem was bigger than mine and she already rather talk about me and my problem.

"I don't deserve to wear the ring."

"Why?"

"Because I kissed someone." I can't look at her. I know she doesn't know what to say in this moment. It already sucks to know that she definitely is disappointed. "I kissed someone else and it hasn't even been four months yet."

This time she's the one to sigh. "That's why?"

I don't hear judgement in her voice. "Yeah? Aren't you mad at me?"

She chuckles and takes my hand again. "Melissa, people grieve in different ways. People heal faster than others. I can't tell you what is right and what is wrong when it comes to something like this."

I'm speechless. I didn't think that was going to be her reaction. I feel like I can breathe around her again. Except, I didn't tell her who I kissed or who kissed me back.

"Are you regretting kissing this person?"

"Yes and no. Not really regretting that isn't the right word. I just feel bad before doing it, but not after."

"So, it was multiple kisses?" Damn it.

"Yes."

She shakes my hand as a sign for me to look at her. "Well, I know you knew him better than I did, but I would think we would want you to be happy."

I stop looking at her. Now I just feel bad that I didn't tell her who it is. I don't want to have a repeat of what Tim and I did. We were different.

Tony and I don't even know what we're doing. All I know is that we're going to dinner tomorrow and I don't know what to expect.

"Wouldn't you want the same for him?"

"Of course." I answer fast. I would want nothing for him to find someone that could make him smile the way he used to. It's just different when you're the one having to live without them.

"Then, don't feel bad and don't feel like you still can't wear your ring. Take it off on your own terms, but not so it can hold you back."

I was going to stay strong and not shed a tear, but one has already escaped. "I missed you." I wrap my arms around her, and we start laughing.

"I missed you too."

I know if this thing with Tony goes somewhere, where I'm still unsure of where that is, I will have to tell her about it. I owe her that much for everything she has done for me.

I release her to wipe the tears off my face. "Okay, enough of that. Are you hungry? I bought a ton of TV dinners."

She makes a face and suggests. "How about we order pizza? It never lets us down."

"Good idea."