Mess is Mine // Calum Hood

Chapter 12

I tried my best to ignore the article Maya had shoved in my face almost a month ago, but the words flashed across my mind like a neon sign on a daily basis. I knew we weren't dating, and I knew he was allowed to do and sleep with whoever he wanted. But that didn't make the ache in my heart and the churning in my stomach any less severe. 

Sierra had came back from Europe shortly after that article released, and she knew -  without me telling her a single thing - that I was crushed by it. We spent days perched on the sofa, cuddled up under blankets and silently watching movies. Usually I talked about my issues and feelings until they were resolved, but for some reason, I couldn't talk about this. It hurt too much to imagine Calum tangled up in the sheets of a hotel room in Italy with a beautiful woman that wasn't me. It hurt too much imagine him quickly undressing and hungrily kissing a woman that wasn't me. It all just hurt too damn much.

We hadn't spoken since the day he asked me about Isaac, and that hurt almost as bad as imagining him with someone else. I hoped he was doing okay, but Sierra's silence on his condition told me everything I needed to know. She wasn't about to tell me if he was slipping again knowing that would send me even deeper into my spiral of anxiety and overthinking. 

The not knowing was the worst part. The not knowing if he was okay, the not knowing if he was hooking up with different girls every night, the not knowing if he was drinking too much. The not knowing is what was killing me. He seemed fine in the interviews, but he was good at putting up a front. I watched as many as I could just to torture myself and keep somewhat of tabs on the boy. 

I got my answer to the last unknown as I was pulled out of a half asleep state by the sound of my phone vibrating against the wood of my night stand. I grabbed it and squinted as it came to life, trying to adjust to the brightness. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I was reading my screen right. My eyes weren't deceiving me - Ashton was calling me at 11:00 at night.

"Hello?" I said groggily, sitting up in bed. 

"Hey, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to bother you," Ashton responded, a hint of worry in his voice. My heart began to pound as the words left his mouth. 

"Ash, what's wrong?" I questioned, pushing my fingers through my hair.

"Cal hasn't been doing great," he admitted, causing my heart to sink to my stomach. I already knew it was true, but hearing it come out of Ashton's mouth made it that much more real. "I just wanted to see if you could talk to him. He's super drunk right now. Usually he's the one who can hold his alcohol the best, but he's a mess tonight, Cameron."

"Fuck," I whispered, eyes roaming to the ceiling. 

"I know, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to tell you, but you've been the only one who he'll let in when he's like this," he told me. "I'll give him the phone."

"No wait. You guys are in San Diego, right?" I asked, an idea suddenly floating into my mind. I hopped out of bed, not waiting for Ashton's answer to begin getting ready.

"Yeah, why? We're leaving tomorrow for San Fran," he confirmed. My shoes were already on, and I was on my way towards the front door.

"Text me the hotel, I'll be there in 2 hours," I responded. There was a long pause on the other end. 

"You don't have to come out here."

"I know I don't have to. Just text me, okay?" 

"Okay, see you soon."

Sierra was watching a show on the couch as I entered the living room. A look of confusion washed over her face as she noticed me heading for the door.

"I thought you were going to sleep," she said, her eyebrows pulling together in concern. 

"I was, but Ash called. It's Cal, I gotta go," I said quickly, gesturing towards the door. Her eyes shot open in surprise, and she pushed the blanket off of her body and stood up.