Mess is Mine // Calum Hood

Chapter 19

September 2019

TW || abuse

"That's it, we're having an intervention," Sierra spoke, folding her arms across her chest as she walked into my room uninvited. I spun around from my desk to face her, unamused with the tone she was using with me. "Don't look at me like that. Look at yourself."

I looked away from her and back to my computer, where I had been working on some blog posts for the boutique. I'd been listening to music, and I turned up the volume when 'Back to You' by Selena Gomez popped up on shuffle. It was a good song, and sometimes a girl just needs to listen to music she can cry to.

The lyrics hit me in the gut every single time I heard them - they never got old.

'Took you like a shot, thought I could chase you with a cold evening, let a couple years water down how I'm feeling for you..'

I fell in love with him almost a year and a half ago, and for a long time I had myself convinced that the more time that passed, the less feelings I would have for him. I was unfortunately wrong. They kept growing stronger, like a flame that I was totally losing control of.

'And what's the point in hiding? Everybody knows we got unfinished business, and I'll regret it if I didn't say this isn't what it could be...'

We hadn't spoken since hooking up at the pool party, and I wasn't surprised by that fact. I was used to this game we played, and I stupidly prayed that this wouldn't be the last time we'd play it. I knew I was being stupid. I knew I was only hurting myself. Everyone in our friend group knew about our situation. And truthfully, our relationship wasn't what it could be. I knew, deep down, that me and him could be great. Could be. I just needed him to realize it too.

'And I could fight, but what's the use? I know I'd go back to you....'

And that was the absolute, unfortunate truth. If I could go back in time, knowing everything I know now, I would still do this all over again. I would do it all over again in a fucking heartbeat. Sure, I was hurting. But nothing compared to how that boy made me feel when we were together. Absolutely nothing.

"I understand what I've gotten myself into," I responded to Sierra, pausing the music and facing her once again. "I don't need a lecture."

"I think you do," she retorted, a look of concern settling on her face. I blew out a puff of air and looked up to the ceiling, trying to calm myself down. I understood where she was coming from - she didn't want me to hurt anymore. I truly appreciated how much she cared about me and my feelings, but at the same time, it was becoming overbearing. I was painfully aware of my Calum situation, and I really didn't need someone else telling me I was being an idiot. "I called Ash and Michael."

My eyes widened as they moved from the ceiling to her face. She did what?

"Why in the hell did you do that?" I questioned, pulling my eyebrows together. Now she was bringing in even more people to lecture me about my feelings - two of my best friends nonetheless.

"Because they know him better than anyone," she answered, running her hand through her hair. "Luke said he didn't want to get involved." Smart boy. He told me since day one that whatever happened with me and Calum was our business, not his. I wasn't as upset with Ash and Michael for coming over as I was with Sierra for inviting them. They were just trying to help me out, and probably had no clue what they were about to walk into.

I didn't respond to her and turned back to my computer to continue working until the boys arrived. I could still feel Sierra standing behind me, most likely wanting to say more.