duchess → outer banks

EPISODE XXIII.

[awkward talks]

Duchess had always been a chronic overthinker. She blamed it on her anxiety. The thing was, the overthinking always happened after she had made an impulsive decision.

Kissing JJ Maybank definitely fit under the category of impulsive. And when it had first happened, Duchess found no reason to regret it; she felt the complete opposite really. But as soon as she left JJ to sleep on her living room couch, she slipped into her bedroom and the invasive thoughts began.

Why the hell would you do that Lydia? What does this mean to JJ? Duchess knew JJ's repuation with girls. She wasn't about to be the next one up just because the blond boy thought she looked pretty in a dress. You just kissed your best friend. You idiot. No Pogue on Pogue macking, remember?

Those thoughts and many more plagued her mind until she was able to fall asleep.

❁

When Duchess greeted JJ in the morning, it was awkward. Painfully so, because the two of them had never been awkward around each other, not even when they met. Duchess was awkward because she had thought she made a mistake. JJ was awkward because he didn't know what to do next.

JJ had been with girls, plenty of them. But they were always casual hookups and one night stands. Never before Duchess had he felt something more. He was clueless when it came to that.

"Hey," Duchess stammered when she strolled into the living room, "Uh, How'd, uh, how'd you sleep?"

JJ gave her a cautious half-smile. "Good, yeah. Like I said yesterday. Most comfortable couch in the OBX."

Duchess let out a breathy laugh. Then it was silent amongst them. Duchess leaned against the wall, facing JJ, trying to find the words to fix it. Fix them.

"JJ-," she started, just as JJ said," Lydia."

"You first," the brunette girl said.

JJ ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Lydia, I- I just- shit."

Duchess raised her eyebrows. "What are you trying to say?"

"I don't know. What were you going to say?"

"I don't know either," Duchess sighed. She had a million thoughts floating through her head, but every time she tried to speak, they felt wrong. And she hated it. It never was supposed to feel wrong with JJ. It was never supposed to be awkward like this. The night before, immediately after the kiss, Duchess had thought it was the best thing to happen to them. As the silence continued, however, it was becoming more and more evident to Duchess that her invasive thoughts were correct.