Just Breathe

Chapter Thirty-Three Gavin

It’s about another fifteen minutes before the nurse comes to get me so I can go and see Bailey. She’s an older lady, maybe late forties, a tiny thing, probably 5’5” with a short bob cut.

“Mr. McKnight? I can bring you back now.” She stands in front of us waiting for me to follow. I don’t know what to do since I still have Logan sleeping in my arms. There’s no way I’m leaving him. As if he senses my distress, he stirs, his eyes flutter open and lock with mine.

“Hey, bud.” I whisper to him as he sits up in my lap.

“Is mom awake yet?” He says groggily while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. How am I going to explain this to him? Bailey would have known what to say. You have to be the man she needs and take care of that kid now. You don’t have time to cry about what to do. Just do it. I take a deep breath and kneel in front of him, so he doesn’t have to look up at me.

“Mom’s still sleeping, bud. But the doctors say she needs to sleep a lot so she can get better real fast, okay?” I smile reassuringly and hope, to whoever is listening, that it’s convincing enough because Lord knows, I’m fucking dying on the inside.

“Can I see her?” He whispers, almost as if he’s terrified of hearing the answer. Fuck! I look back up at the nurse and she smiles down at me with a slight nod. Thank fuck for small graces.

“Alright, bud. This nice nurse is gonna bring us to your moms’ room so we can visit, just for a little bit. We won’t be able to stay long because she needs her rest, okay?”  He nods his head but never smiles. I would give anything to see his big bright smile lighting up his face, and to hear his loud laugh. We stand, and just before we head towards the doors, I feel his tiny hand slip into mine. I look down at him, and right there, in that moment, I give my heart to him and vow to protect him with everything in me. I scoop him up and he wraps his arms around my neck, laying his head on my shoulder. Just as we make it to the swinging doors, Zeus lets out a bark. I look back and see him standing next to Hunter and Ash, wagging his tail anxiously. Fuck, boy, I can’t bring you in too, I plead with my eyes to him.

“Once you have five minutes with her, I’ll allow you to come back and bring him in. He’ll have to stay at the foot of her bed, and not any closer.” The nurse offers gently.

“I’ll come back for you in just a few minutes, boy.” Zeus barks and lets out a soft cry before laying back down, watching us go through the doors.

“Thank you so much for that.” I manage to get out. I’m trying my fucking hardest to control my emotions, but I have no idea what state I’m gonna find Bailey in, and how Logan is going to react to seeing her. I’m holding on by a thin fucking thread, but I know I can’t let it break in front of him. I need to be strong for him. For Bailey. We pass about five rooms after the nurses’ station before the nurse stops in front of a door.

“Alright, I can allow you to visit with her for about five minutes. Dr. Evans wants her to rest without disruptions, as much as possible. We ask you to not kiss her face as she’s very bruised, and she also has a fair number of tubes and wires hooked up to her, and the monitors.” She explains and rubs Logan’s back, giving him a small smile.

“She’s pretty banged up, but know that she is stable, and the morphine is keeping the pain at bay. She is resting comfortably for the moment, and we intend to keep it that way. I’ll be at the nurses’ station if you need me.” She smiles once again and then opens Bailey’s door for us. I thank her and walk in with Logan. Once inside, the atmosphere changes completely. It’s extremely quiet, except for the loud beeping of the monitors. I hate that sound, but at the same time am grateful for it, as it is the only thing telling me Bailey is still fighting. It smells of pure sterilization supplies, and it’s cold. Cold and isolated. Logan wiggles, indicating he wants to get down. I place him on his feet and just watch him.