Behind Enemy Lines

Twelfth Entry

January 20, 1944

Dear Nicolai,

The New Year is upon us and yet nothing has changed. More and more Jews die every day; some are even dying from starvation. I have lost some weight, as did Papa. I could see the bones on my cheeks but I have yet to see my ribs. Papa looks like a skeleton and he even walks like one. Papa and I no longer talk.

No matter how hard I tried, he would not talk to me. Papa mostly talks to the two older men in our cabin. I know they are planning an escape and I know Papa is planning on leaving me here. I told him about Druka and Mama, hoping that could change his mind. He seemed happy at first but his mood changed back to being cold and distant. If Papa does ever escape, I don’t believe he would get far.

Lukas and I bet they wouldn’t even make it past the woods.

Speaking of Lukas, he’s getting better around me. Just the other day I heard him say a few words. He has such a small voice, almost like a girl. I tried to make him speak more but he went back to writing on a piece of paper. His sister, Ivanka, talks to me when we get a chance. I apologized to her about what I had asked but she just brushed it off and forgot about it. I’m still curious about her and her brother. I really wanted to know more about them.

Nicolai now is a chance to confess something to you. I’m in love. I know it may sound silly seeing as who can I fall in love with while being in this hell? It’s not Ivanka though I do have some small feelings for her. I’m in love with Torren, the German medical officer. You may be surprised; I wouldn’t blame you if you tore up this letter, than again you will never really get the chance to read it.

I love him and my feelings are getting deeper and deeper for him. Just the other night, I had a dream he and I were both naked under the bed sheets. I won’t go further on seeing as you would probably know what happened. Torren makes me feel happy Nicolai. Torren makes living in this hell somewhat bearable.

When I said Torren was different I was right on track. Torren is different and by different I meant he’s the good guy. Apparently he’s an informant who is working for the Americans. I believe he has a plan to get us all out of here and if he does I really want you to meet him. Please don’t think ill of me for falling in love with a man. I couldn’t understand my feelings until Torren brought them out.

Anyways how are you Nicolai? How is your wife and child, that’s if you have a child. I bet by now, your living in a large mansion with maids and butlers. You probably have lost of cars and lots of money. It’s too bad you can’t use that money to find us. It’s better if you don’t.

-Your Brother-
Mika

I closed the notebook and glanced out the window. It was a full moon tonight and it was snowing. Papa was snoring in the corner and Lukas was talking in his sleep. Nothing really has changed and nothing probably will. I looked back don’t to my notebook and thought about what I had wrote.

If Nicolai were to find out I was in love with a man he wouldn’t have minded but if he were to find out the man I was in love with was a German soldier, I fear he might do the worst to me.