Then There Was You

XIV

James looks at me for a long moment. I watch his eyes take in the bruises on my arms and I see the rage burn behind them.
"I'll kill him," he hisses under his breath.
"I'm alright James. He's gone, and he won't be back," I tell him reassuringly. It has no effect on his mood. Slowly, he makes his way towards me, and sits down on the bed. The same spot Henry had been just moments ago.
"Are you sure you're alright?" He asks, his brown eyes studying me carefully.
"I promise," I say, and take hold of his hand. He stiffens at my touch. Alarm bells ring loudly in my head.

"What's going on Lara?" He asks, looking at me suspiciously.
"What do you mean?" I ask, shocked at the hostility in his voice. He tuts and pulls his hand out from under mine.
"You and him," he says coldly. My heart jumps nervously.
"James please... I don't have the energy to talk about this tonight," I close my eyes, and gently message my throbbing temples.
"I need to know Lara. What's going on with you two?"
"There's nothing going on-" I try to explain.
"Don't lie to me Lara. I know you," he says, his words coming rapidly, "I know that look you gave him. It's the same way you look at me!"

I stare at him, a mixture of shock and shame overwhelms me. I don't know how to respond.
I say the only thing I know to be true.
"James, I love you," I can feel the tears start to form in my eyes. He looks at me sadly and shakes his head.
"I know Lara, I know you do. But I can't share you," his voice catches his throat.
"But nothings even happened!" I wail, looking at him desperately.
"But you would like something to happen..."
I stare at him open mouthed.
"I- I," I stammer like an idiot.
"Just don't!" He snaps. "You never were a good liar Lara," he says this softly, a hint of nostalgia in his voice.

"Look James. All I know is that I love you. And you love me," I say shakily- trying not to cry. "I don't know what's going on with Henry. I know I'm attracted to him. But I also know that I'm not going to throw our relationship away because I fancy a man I've just met!" He looks at me quietly, digesting my words.
"Then prove it," he says finally. "Come home with me now. Let's forget all about it, and we can go back to the way we were."
He's being totally serious. I know immediately that I'm not going to leave with him. I'm angry that he's asking me to choose between him and my career.

"I can't do that," I say firmly. He scoffs and laughs bitterly.
"I knew it. I guess you don't love me that much after all," he says childishly. I feel the rage swell inside me.
"And if you loved me, you would never ask me to choose!" I snap, tears finally spilling down my cheeks. He rises from the bed, his hands twitching in agitation.
"This was a mistake. I should never have come," he seethes, staring blindly at the wall behind my head.
"I wish you hadn't!" I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth.

He turns abruptly and marches towards the door. I want to tell him not to go, but I'm too angry to speak. He stops and looks at me in the doorway, a horrible expression on his face.
"I'll see you in a few weeks. Please try to remain faithful to me," he says venomously. His words are like a slap in the face. I watch him turn away from me, no sign of remorse on his face, as he slams the door on his way out.
In that moment I hate him.
I scream loudly and let myself sob heartily.
What was happening? We never fought like this. And we have never been nasty to each other. Never.
It feels as if my world has been turned upside down. My feelings even more confused than they were before.

I absently hear the ringing of my phone as my body wracks painfully with strangled sobs. I consider ignoring it, but it might be James. My heart falls as I see it's not James but the reason for our fight. Henry.
"What?" I snap down the phone. I'm not angry at him but I can't stop myself.
"I've just seen James in the foyer. He wouldn't talk to me. What's going on Lara?" His voice is only concerned. He doesn't seem to care I've addressed him rather rudely.
"We got in a fight. He's going home," I say in between sobs.
"Fuck sake," he's annoyed. "I'm coming up to you."
"No Henry-" but he hangs up, effectively stopping my protests.
Great. One leaves and another comes in. Will this night ever end?

I try and compose myself, taking big deep breaths. But my hands still shake, as I open the door to let him in. His face at first is angry and tense, but it softens when he looks down at me.
"This really isn't your night is it?" He says, trying to lighten the mood. I smile, but my hearts not really in it.
"I can't believe he left you alone. What an idiot," he says, not hiding his distaste.
"You would have left as well, if you were him," I say in his defence.
"Absolutely not," he says vehemently. I can tell by the look in his eye that nothing I would say would convince him otherwise.

I look away from him. I don't want to feel the guilt that goes with the feelings that looking at him brings. "Henry... I'm exhausted. I just want to go to bed," my voice sounds on the brink of tears. I feel completely drained, it's a miracle I'm still standing up.
"I'm not leaving you," he says softly, looking down at me. I literally don't have the energy to fight with anyone else tonight. I sigh defeatedly, limping back to my bedroom, my ankle protesting painfully.
He can do what he pleases. I all but throw myself on the bed and pull the duvet over my head.
I hear his quiet footsteps enter the room. They stop a couple of feet away from my bed. I hear some scuffling and the sound of material slipping against the carpet. Bewildered, I throw my duvet off and look towards the sound. He's lying on the floor, next to me, a thin cover spread over him. He shuffles, an uncomfortable expression crossing his face and then he sighs loudly.

I grab the two spare pillows from bed and chuck them down at him. He looks up at me, startled. But takes the pillows and puts them under his head.
"Thank you Lara," he says gratefully.
I feel suddenly guilty, looking at his large body spread across the floor. There was more than enough room for us to both sleep comfortably on the bed, but I just couldn't stand the thought of a man in my bed. Not after tonight.
"Night Henry," I say quietly to him. My eyelids closing heavily. I think he's looking at me, but I don't bother to check if he is.
"Goodnight Lara," he says, his deep voice a comfort in the dark. I'm glad he's here.
As I drift off, I don't feel frightened or alone anymore. I just feel safe.