Then There Was You

XXIII

Much to my surprise, I sleep right through the night. It's a first since coming home. No bad dreams and no crying.
I wake up the next morning almost happy.
But then I remember I have work today, and my stomach immediately drops.
There goes my good mood...

It wasn't all bad though.
My mum and I were finally on speaking terms again. James was still a touchy subject, so we never spoke about it. Or Henry.
The latter of this upset me more. Because I wanted to share with her how I felt about Henry. I always told her everything. And it felt wrong not to share something that made me so happy. But the last time I said his name in front of her, she looked at me as if I'd spat in her macaroni. So I knew I couldn't tell her about my rendezvous with him this weekend.
No matter how much I wanted to.

It suddenly occurred to me, that I hadn't told anyone about it yet. And I still had no idea what lie I was going to create as my alibi.
I hated lying. Not just because I wasn't good at it, but because it made me feel like I was an evil person, and the guilt would keep me awake at night. For me, honesty is always the best policy.

The breakfast table was cheery this morning. I don't know if the new sense of happiness was down to my change in mood or if everyone was just feeling the positivity today. We talked and joked as we ate our toast and beans. Louise was looking at me suspiciously the whole time.
To which I only smiled more brightly at her, puzzling her further. I almost didn't want to leave them. This moment was the happiest I'd been in a long time, and I didn't want it to end.
But I had to get ready for work.
Unwillingly, I got myself up from the table, and went about cleaning my dishes.
Before I left the kitchen, I dropped a small kiss on the top of each of their heads and skipped out, not bothering to look at the shock I knew I would see on their faces.

I was still smiling happily to myself as I showered. Despite the impending doom that going to work would bring, I was happy.
And I was going to clutch on to it for as long as possible. It even inspired me to do something I rarely do: Wear make up to work.
I kept it light and natural as I always do. It made me feel braver, confident. And if I was going to get fired, I might as well look cute doing it. Not that I truly believed James would fire me, but it's better to be prepared for everything.

As I parked up outside my work, I could feel my sunny optimism start to cloud.
You can do this, I tell myself. I take a few quick breaths through my mouth and give myself a small shake.
I can do this.
My stomach squeezed nervously as I take the short walk to the main entrance. It takes me less than thirty seconds and then the automatic doors swoop open, and then I'm inside.
Right, I've made it. Now I just need to face him.

I feel like I'm on a mission.
My brain completely focused on handling this situation as cooly as I can manage. I'm just about to start my search for James when I hear him call my name.
"Lara?" His voice is commanding and cold.
My confidence falters for a second, but then I plaster a smile on my face and force myself to look directly at him.

He's standing in the office doorway. His hands deep in the pockets of his black trousers. He's wearing my once favourite shirt; a fitted white Calvin Klein. Even I have to admit, he looks good. We simply look at each other for a moment, and for a second, I think he wants to smile at me. But he doesn't.
"A word in my office please?" His tone is still commanding, as he motions for me to come in with a soft jerk of his head.
Oh boy. This isn't going to be good.

Somehow, I'm still smiling as I make my way inside. As I enter the doorway, he takes a seat at his desk.
"Shut the door behind you please."
I do as I'm told. I'm very aware I'm still grinning like an idiot. But I'm so nervous I don't know what else to do.
"Take a seat," he motions with his hand to the seat across from him.
Again, I do as I'm told. I don't look away, I just watch him and wait for him to speak.

He looks at me for a long time, and I watch a confused frown take hold of his features. He's probably wondering why I'm smiling.
Don't worry, so am I.
But then finally, his expression softens, and then he smiles.
"You look good Lara," he says with affection.
Something that the old James used to say all the time. But I don't expect it. It confuses me enough that I stop my manic smiling. I absently massage my sore cheeks with my fingers.

"Are you alright?" His voice is tentative. His eyes regarding me with worry.
Warmth. Friendliness. Love.
This really wasn't what I was expecting.
"Please don't worry about me James. I really don't deserve it."
He frowns at my words.
"Don't say that," he says firmly but his voice is still gentle, "I'll always care about you Lara."
I'm immediately drowned by guilt and sadness and I have to look away from him then.
I keep my eyes on the table, and chew my bottom lip nervously.

"And you'll always have a job here- as long as you want it," he promises, "I know the next few weeks will be... Challenging. For us both. But I think we'll both handle the situation like adults. Do you agree?"
I can only nod weakly in response. My eyes have betrayed me and filled with tears. And I know if I speak, my voice will betray me too.
"Good," he says with a relieved sigh, "Is there anything you want to say?"
I look up at him then. There's so much I want to say but I don't know where to begin.
"Thank you," is all I manage.
He simply smiles and nods at me.
"You can go now. Let me know if you need anything," he says, rising from his chair.
Instinctively, I do the same. I look into his brown eyes for a long moment. So familiar, so beautiful, and I can see the hurt he carries behind them. But I also see hope. Hope that one day we can be friends again. We smile at each other, and then I leave his office, closing the door gently behind me.

I work hard that day. Throwing myself fully into the work and I actually enjoy myself. And the day passed by in a happy, sweaty blur.
"Good job today Lara," James says to me as I clock out. And it reminds me of how our relationship first blossomed. I have to stifle a laugh as I bid them all goodbye.

For the first time that day, I look at my phone. I have a miscall and a text from Henry.
My stomach flips excitedly as I read his message:

"I wanted to tell you this in person, but I think you're at work and I can't wait until you finish so I'm just going to tell you now.
Meet me at the DoubleTree Hilton in Glasgow at 12pm. Make sure you pack something nice..."

I squeal with delight. But then look cautiously around for onlookers, remembering I'm in the middle of carpark. Luckily, no ones paying any attention to me.
I quickly type my response and hit send:

"I am so excited!! I'll be there at 11.55am xx"

Inspiration suddenly hits me and I finally have an idea. I find Rachel's number quickly and call her. She picks up on the third ring.
"Hellooo," she chirps.
"Hi. I need you to lie for me," I say sweetly.
"Oh Lara..." her voice sounds intrigued, "You've asked me many things over the years. But you've never asked me this."
She pauses dramatically. I raise my eyebrows and listen to her 'hmmm' and 'let me see.'
"Of course I'll lie for you! Just tell me what to do already!"
I laugh and fill her in on the plan.
I'll tell my mum that we're going for a girls weekend away at the Hilton. Rachel will come pick me up from my home- that way my mum can't question that I won't be with Rachel- Drop me off at the Hilton. I'll have my two nights with Henry and she'll meet up with her friends in Glasgow. Then she'll pick me up on the way home and drop me off safely at home.
My mum won't have a clue.
It's foolproof really.

When I get off the phone with Rachel I have another text from Henry:

"It's a date ;) x"

Indeed it is. In less than forty eight hours we'll be together. The thought, making an ear to ear grin spread across my face.
Everything was slowly working itself out. For the first time in days, I felt truly hopeful and exited for the future.