With You in the Middle of Nowhere

PROLOGUE

I TOOK a mirror shot, half naked. I am just with my black thong. My left arm covered my mounds but showed a bit of my nipples. I love everything vintage so I illustrate myself as one. Presently. I perfectly angled my polaroid and film myself in every pose. Art knew I was dead to it.

That's why being on my own never bore me. Unattached and Free.

Being single helps me appreciate and identify my existence. It loaded the tank of my dearth- I mean not that I'm exaggerating things but I kind of lack of something and it's not from being single. Maybe, because I wanted to be free, at least for now.

"Leina," tawag sa akin ni Dad. "Heleina is craving for pasta, at least, cook for her, "

Walang pag aalinlangan kong sinunod ang utos ni Dad. I cooked for my sister. Cooking was my thing so I ended it with no sweat.

Napaisip ako.

Ang saya siguro kapag ako si Heleina 'no?

Pagod akong ngumiti dahil sa naisip. Masaya na rin ako kay ate dahil masaya siya sa kung ano ang mayroon sa kanya ngayon.

Buong buhay ko, isang beses lang akong nayaya sa hapag kasama sila, at hindi na naulit. Paminsan-minsan ko ring napapansin ang mga helper namin na may awa sa mga mata nila habang nakatingin sa akin. Sanay na ako.

Ngunit hindi sa lahat ng oras ay magandang irason ang katagang iyon.

I've been sway so hard by my parents, not giving me the freedom I ache for. There were rules whenever I budge on. In fact, I can't make my own decisions. It was suffocating me that I turned into someone I'm not. The mutinous one.

"Happy birthday, Hel!" they greeted my older sister as she turned her twenty first's birthday.

I can't stand seeing her enjoying while I'm busy serving others so I excuse my self from the venue and tend to enter the mansion. My ego won't taking any of this sh i t.

"Where are you going?" she dragged my arms. I didn't have time to argue nonsense.

"Get the fuck your hands off me-"

Umalingawngaw ang sampal sa loob ng mansyon nang sinampal ako ni Mommy. Taka ko siyang tiningnan. Hindi na naaapektuhan.

"How dare you curse your sister!" sigaw sa akin ni Mommy. Na para bang siya lang ang anak nila. Na para bang katulong lang talaga ako dito.

"How dare you," I pointed herself. "treat me like this, huh?" gigil kong sambit sakanya.

Ilang minuto akong nagkulong sa silid at umiyak. Siyempre masakit. Ikaw ba naman tratuhing basura ng sarili mong pamilya? Wala naman akong ibang hiniling, e, kung 'di ay maging anak man lang rin ang turing nila sa akin. Dinaan ko nalang sa buntong hininga lahat. Maya maya pa ay nagpasya akong bumaba at uminom ng tubig. Nahagip ko kaagad si Heleina na nakangisi na sa akin kasama ang pamilyar na matipunong lalaki.

"That's what you get, loser." humagikhik pa siya na tila may nakakatawa talaga. Nalukot lang ang mukha ko dahil para siyang bata kung umasta.

Halata sa lalaki ang awa para sa 'kin pero nananatiling kalmado at seryoso ang mukha nito.

"Kung girlfriend mo siya..." tinapik ko ang balikat ng lalaking minsan ko na ring hinangaan, tsaka ako tumango. "Ipa-mental mo na."

I shook my head in disappointment.