With You in the Middle of Nowhere

27

I can almost hear them mocking and laughing at my weakest situation.

They were playing with my feelings, my life. I can't help but cry.

Am I supposed to be weak forever? Delicate? Plain and easy to break?

Dahan-dahan kong idinilat ang aking mga mata. Napabuntonghininga ako nang sa dalawang pagkakataon ay nasa hospital nanaman ako't nakahilata.

"Congratulations, buhay ka pa."

I glanced at the doctor standing beside the hospital bed. She threw her glare at me, arm's crossed.

I smirked. "Not glad. I'd rather die than suffer,"

Bigla ay naalarma siya. Umayos siya nang tayo at bahagya pang nanlalaki ang mga mata. "Don't say that. That's not what I meant pero sa sobrang tigas ng ulo mo ay hindi na ako magugulat kung mamatay ka ngang bigla. In fatigue, you have at least 9 symptoms out of 11. 6 out 7 in stress and depression. Alam mo kung paano ko nalaman?"

She explained but I didn't mind it. All I know was I've been hurting all this time but not feeling it.

"Stop drinking coffee," the doctor commanded.

I scoffed. "What? No."

She sighed heavily. "Alright, then, just drink water moderately! Your health is important, dear. Don't let things ruin you. Let me tell you that this is a serious case. I can schedule you for a therapist and connect with them."

Hell. Therapist!

Nanubig ang mga mata ko. She held my hand and whispered something that could possibly cheer me up pero ngumingiti lang ako.

What the hell, this is so sudden.

"Wait. Paano ako napunta dito? I was at my apartment!"

She then shrugged. "Maybe the life savior? Jesus Christ?"

"Seriously, Doctor?"

Since naka-dextrose ako ay nahirapan akong magselpon. Mamaya pa raw ako makakalabas dahil sa hindi ko maintindihang dahilan. I informed Shena and she was so worried she cried. She sent me these picture of her crying. Real tears down her cheeks.

I smiled. Sana nandito siya. She hoped too. Sabi niya, kung puwede lang ay matagal na. She wished she was here.

"I'll call Chris-"

I gulped. "'Wag na, Shena."

"Why? He could help you!"

Natawa ako. Hindi nalang ako umimik at nagpasyang matulog ulit sa loob pa talaga ng hospital.

He can but he won't.

Tutok ako sa kisame nang magising. Maghahapon na at pilit kong kinakalma ang sarili ko.

Leina, kalma. Kakausapin mo pa si Chris. Nadala ka lang sa sakit kanina, kakausapin mo pa siya.

Natawa ako sa naisip saka tumulo muli ang mga luha ko. Nanginginig na pinahid ko iyon ng dahan dahan. Kinuha ko ulit ang phone saka ko siya tinext.

Meet me at the coffee shop at 5PM, kung saan tayo nagkita ni lolo.

Pumikit ako saglit. Nagising nalang ako sa dami ng tao sa emergency room, at sa kanilang lahat, ako lang ang walang kasama.

Not that it's important, though.

Maya maya ay natanggap ko na ang findings saka ako nakalabas ng hospital. It was almost 5PM kaya nag grab na ako at pumunta sa coffee shop na sinabi ko.