Midnight Grey

Chapter 12 Still Living

Time passes in a dull haze, dragging in nothingness with no meaning and no promise of happiness. The clock ticks and with every second comes a stab of knowledge. Someone's not here. On occasions I want to smash them, but they are still there ticking, trying to remind me time has passed. Months have passed. Though even with the slow freezing days of winter coming to an end as mid-March approaches, the warming weather doesn't seem to be thawing my dead self.

Every day I walk outside I struggle. With each step a pulse of knives climbs up my body. They cut every inch of me, cutting steep fissures in my heart, leaving gashes that continue to throb and bleed. The holes grow like a void seeming to suck everything out of me. Almost like my heart stopped. Though it's keeps pumping, somehow the muscle keeps beating and with each beat fire flashes through my insides, burning my veins, arteries, and scorches my flesh.

It would be easy to give up, but I can't. Besides, I know at the end of the day he's waiting for me. In my room, I can be alone with him and when I'm there, he's alive.

I hear him. His voice takes away all my sanity, but I welcome the escape from reality, the release. His whispers taunt me to stay with him forever and like an addiction, I need it. I hang on his words like I require them to breathe, to even be.

I don't want to leave. Part of me wants to give up everything and stay with him in my made-up fantasy. After all, what lurks for me when I leave the room is more pain, hollowness.

The only reason I leave was my promise to my parents I will succeed. I leave and attend my classes getting perfect grades and perform as a robot. Walking on every day with the pain almost crippling at times, I try to focus on what's awaiting me. Kyle. He's waiting with open arms to let me go back to a wonderful escape.

"Good afternoon, Lynn." Megan eyes me warily as I pour some cereal into a bowl, "Remember you used to always be up way before me, funny, huh?"

"Yeah," I reply, empty, as I sit down at the end of the table. Her bubbly face instantly shows the puppy-dog sting. I barely acknowledge her hurt as I fiddle around with the cereal, not taking a bite, and thinking of how I don't sleep more. If anything, my insomnia has grown.

I force myself to take a mouthful. My body has deadened my senses when I'm not in my room. The cereal tastes like raw sewage. I swallow, trying not to gag.

"Hey, isn't that guy's name, Austin? The one who shot Kyle?" Matt inquires with eyes intent on his newspaper.

My eyes flash up at him with the first small spark of energy I've had in a long time. Megan turns a sharp head to him and backhands him in his arm, "Matt, Lynn doesn't want to hear about him!" Megan scolds.

Curiosity springs inside me, "No, it's fine Megan." My voice having a perk to my normal flat tone. Megan's doe eyes turn shocked, "What does the article stay?" I continue.

Matt starts to talk about the article in a nonchalant way, "Well, it says here Austin Collins received his final sentence. He will be on probation for one year with 500 hours of community service."

"What?!?" my voice sounds instantly awakened from a dead sleep. "What about the criminals he was with?"

"Well he was with criminals, but no one knows what they were up too. Austin said to the news he just met them. The judge was lenient, since this was his first offense."

First Offense?!? My blood starts to simmer. "What about the guy he shot?"

"Self-defense. Apparently, the guy shot at him first. Austin confirmed the guy was shooting madly at him, and he fired one shot into his leg and ran. A wound in the leg...obviously the guy lived."