Midnight Grey

Chapter 17 Guilty Feelings

Guilt is the worst emotion for me to feel. It can come in so many levels and unlike anger a couple deep breaths doesn't help subside it. Guilt stays with you for every heartbeat, every step. Only a few things can bring you up, because if even logically the fault is not your own, you still blame yourself.

The bad thing about mine is I can change this, but I can't take the simple steps to make amends, so it just sits inside me.

This is the reason, I've been spacing off, while I should be grading these papers. I recognize I mishandled the situation with Austin. Maybe Austin didn't want to hurt Kyle. Maybe it was an accident.

The problem with this is if I was wrong, then everything I said to Austin was wrong.

"Miss Warren?" Dr. Krouch's voice is low in a moan.

My heart launches up like a sling shot.

Dr. Krouch rubs his temple like he has a headache. "You've been working on that one paper in the time I've graded three, is there a reason you're taking so long?" His beady eyes narrow at me from behind his desk.

My mind goes blank.
"Well, Lynnette Warren! You certainly are a difficult person to find!" Mr. Manks says with a cheery manner as he stands in the now opened doorway.

Dr. Krouch grows immediately annoyed, but the interruption gives me relief. "Mr. Manks, if you hadn't noticed we are busy. This is my office after all. Can't you discuss whatever trifling thing it is after she is done here?"

"Oh, but this will only take a minute. I promise." He smiles and waves at me to come with him as if Dr. Krouch already gave permission.

Before I get up, I take a gander at Dr. Krouch who with a disgruntled expression excuses me.

In the hallway, Mr. Manks' smile grows larger. "Well, my dear how did the first session go? Did it go according to plan?" The plain white walls don't do justice to his sunny disposition.

My gut tugs at the thought of displeasing someone so cheerful. "Some people told their story..." my voice lowers, "but not all."

"Well, these things do take time, but some of them did discuss their feelings. That's good." He pats my shoulder. "I'm quite pleased with this as you should be, you're doing as well as I expected." His face glowing like I'm a prized pet, then glances at this his watch. "Dear me, I probably should go. I merely wanted to check in on you, and..." He leans in as if to whisper a secret, "I think I better let you get back to Dr. Krouch. He didn't seem too pleased by my taking you away, eh?" His expression is almost mischievous. It makes me smile. "Though, do let me know if you need anything, dear." He hands me his card and gives me one last smile before he leaves.

Only halfway back into the room, Dr. Krouch holds up his hand. "Before you sit down Miss Warren, I changed my mind." His face is serious, his expression obsolete. "I think it's obvious you are not going to be much help today, so I suggest you take the day to fix whatever adolescent drama is going on in your head."

His tone still holds a lingering annoyance, not only for me, but for Mr. Manks. "Make sure you sort this out by the next time we meet, I wish to have someone present who can be productive and not be absent minded." Dr. Krouch waves me out of the door, before returning to his stack of papers.

The days have gotten stranger for me ever since the day I went to the grave site. Lately I've been getting the sense of warmth next to me. As if a warm glow walks by my side from time to time. It's not always here and doesn't come at particular time of day.