Inciting Incident (Harry Styles)

Chapter 18

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke
Your love life's D.O.A
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year

***

When Gemma left me alone on the sofa I try to regather my thoughts but everything is completely jumbled and I can't think straight. I hear a lot of banging upstairs which makes me flinch impulsively.

It's like my body has a mind of its own at the minute. Any noise makes me just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. I can faintly hear Gemma and Harry arguing which triggers a flashback of Callum screaming in my face and before I know it I am once again crying uncontrollably.

I feel so weak.

Weaker than I have ever felt in my life. I can't go 5 minutes without crying I feel completely powerless and broken, it's almost as if my body just doesn't want to comprehend with anything and instead drown my emotions in tears. Literally.

I feel a hand on my shoulders and I instantly scream in fear making the person jump back from me. I quickly interpret the voice to be Gemma's as she holds my crying frame. I realise that I am now on the floor next to the sofa.

"I'm so sorry." I repeat over and over again as Gemma attempts to calm me down. But my body has different ideas as I start to shake all over again. I am now curled up in a ball rocking back and forth.

All I can see in front of me is Callum. Slamming my head into the wall and hitting me and I completely thrash out. My entire body is reacting on its own and I feel completely helpless. My mind is trapped and is replaying every memory as if it was happening right this second.

"Jordan." I can hear a faint voice but although my body is at Gemma's, my mind is back at my flat with Callum.

My breathing is completely irregular and the noises coming out of my mouth are what I can only assume is similar to a dying goose. My whole body feels overcome with fear and emotion.

I feel pressure on my hand which continues on and off and after a few minutes I think, I finally am able to squeeze back timidly. "You're at Gemma's in London, you're not alone." I hear a voice and my body begins to relax slightly.

I'm at Gemma's

I'm at Gemma's

I continue to repeat the phrase until it is engrained into my mind.

My eyes are clenched shut and I feel my whole body overcome with sweat. The pressure on my hand hasn't disappeared and I squeeze harshly finally overcome with reality.

When I open my eyes I immediately stand and shuffle back and land harshly on the sofa, as my lips tremble I am met with emeralds and I cower in fear as I feel another squeeze and look down to see Harry's hand entwined with mine.

He was using his grounding techniques.

"It's okay," He states looking directly at my face in shock and sadness, guilt is reflected in his eyes. I immediately snatch my hand away and he shakes his hand in pain. 

"Quite a grip you got there." He tries to joke but when I don't reply he takes a step back as Gemma hesitantly steps closer to me.

"Am I ok to come closer now?" She asks timidly and I tap the spot next to me as she sighs in relief and sits next to me. My breathing is still labored but I feel semi-normal and in the room now.

"You started shaking and crying and I didn't know what to do so I had to shout Harry. I'm sorry." She rambles while sitting next to me but now I just feel even weaker than I did before. I'm glad she told me how Harry got here as the last moments were non-existent to my mind.