Rip It All To Shreds (Something Great)

Over Again

You must all hate me. I'm sorry that it's been basically a month :/ Honestly, I'm super sorry, school has been insane. I have been surviving off 3 hours of sleep every night, so I didn't have time to update, but I am now. Since it is winter break I'll have plenty of time to update because I have no social life...

Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate!! I got a laptop for Christmas, so now I can update from here which I like much better than using my phone(no stupid autocorrections).

Thank You, all of you, who read this. My story made the what's new list for the larry tag, and has gotten 1000 views. Holycrap! I remeber being so happy when I got 5...

song- over again by 1d

~s

Harry's POV:

I lay there staring at the ceiling, my mind usually racing with thought in a frightening lull. I have but one thought: Louis. Is he okay?

A nurse visited about a half an hour ago letting us know that we were now allowed to have visitors, and our families were on their way. Of course, we are in America somewhere-I think Tennessee- and they are in England, and for Niall, Ireland, so "on their way" means in a day or so.

I can't say that I'm thrilled. The Tomlinsons more or less , leaning greatly towards more, disowned me after the whole 'breaking their son's heart' thing. Not to say I blame them, I deserve every last bit of it.

Suddenly, the door to the room is opened. I hardly dare hope , but it is. It's Louis being wheeled in on a bed by a few doctors and nurses. He looks worse than before, though. If sleep brings a peaceful look to someone's face, then Louis is not sleeping . Oh my god he couldn't be... I can't even let myself finish the thought .

One of the doctors steps aside while the rest wheel Louis' bed back into place. He walk over to me and rests a hand on the rail on the side of my bed as I sit up. He mentions his name briefly, and then his smile fades. His face is pure business, with that ora of fake optimism released as a result of trying to convince someone of false hope.

"So, Mr. Styles, I'm sorry about the accident."

"Oh, uh... yeah."

"Well, your friend Louis over here went through surgery with flying colors!"

I nod, although I never understood the point of that saying. Do colours fly? No. Americans and their sayings.

"Okay, so, he suffered a spleen injury. These are very common in motor vehicle accidents. He received several strong blows to his abdomen, which caused the damage. Because he was in such a ... critical condition a minor surgery had to be done."

"So, he's fine now?" I ask even though I know the answer is not that simple.

"Well....," he looks back at Louis, who is now by himself as all of the nurses and doctors and such have left,"the surgery doesn't always work, but it has worked before. He will be... just fine, but the severity of the accident and injuries still a need to pay close attention to him. We plan to keep him here in the ICU for another 48 hours or so. Then he will be released to a regular room for a few more days to ensure he is stable, and after that he can be discharged. However, after that Mr. Tomlinson here must be on bed rest for another week and refrain from strenuous activity for around 2 to 3 months, or until cleared by a doctor."

There's a silence. I would do anything to have Louis be okay, I'm just glad the doctor is at least TRYING to give me some guidance, but everyone knows that doctos wouldn't be rich if they didn't know how to lie. At least he's informing me... wait a second.

"Oh..um, thank you , sir, but... uh.... may I ask why you are telling ME this? I'm not a legal guardian or anything."

"Oh, but before Louis' minor procedure he listed you as his next of kin," he says as he walks out of the room with a knowing look.

Fucking Louis! He trusts me! How could he trust me, again? He is so naive! God! Does he want to be let down again? Destroyed?

I try to calm myself down, but I can not get over the idea of Louis trusting me again not after what I did, not after..

"Mr. Styles? There's something I forgot to mention to you." The doctor walks into the room again. "When Louis is released we'd advise him to see a therapist or a counsler of some sort."

"Oh. If you don't mind me asking, why?"

"Mr.Styles, it doesn't take rocket science to know that those abbrassions on his body were'nt all from the accident. He could even take part in a new program available via a webcam where patients can videochat a therapist in order to maintain a lifestyle of, say, constant travelling."

"Oh, uh, okay, thanks"

The doctor leaves.

Louis is going to hate this. Yes, he is cheeky, adorable, hilarious, but he does not like being outward with his problems. He likes to be in the spotlight, as long as it is for making others happy. He is one of those people who would rather not recieve any attention in regards to, well, himself. Especially, when it involves someone trying to "help" him or caring about him.

God, I just, Louis. There's just so much shit in his life, and it's my fault. I have destroyed everything. Why do they not have alcohol at a hospital? It's fairly idiotic that they don't- it seems like it could help with all the painful shit and death that happens here. Ease the emotional pain. If I was actually admitted for injuries and not just to avoid paps I could claim pain for and get some intense pain killers or something.

All of the sudden I hear a cough. I look over to see Louis trying to sit up.

I walk over and give him a hand a fluff his pillow. I go to kiss his forehead.

What am I doing? I can't do this again. I'm not good for him, he is not good for me. Do I want this? No. Right? Oh god, fuck this. I'm not doing this again! But... Louis. I look at him again. He looks so fragile. Like if I sneezed, he'd shatter. He still is so beautiful.

'You okay there Haz.. I mean Harry?"

"Just peachy," I say harsher than I intend it to sound, "How are you?"

"Sore."

"Yeah, the doctor says you damaged your spleen."

"Ah."

"Yeah. Need me to get the nurse?"

"Nah, I'm...I'm sure I'm fine," there is a pause," Harry?"

"Uh yeah Louis?"

"What... how...are... how do you feel?"

"I mean I have a bit of a headache from lack of sleep and these flourescent lights, but ..."

"No, Harry . How... how do you feel about...us?"

"Oh."

"Sorry, I mean, maybe I misread previous events or maybe this wasn't the time to..."

"Louis, look. I don't know. I did things. Things ended in a fucking mess last time. I don't want that for you again, hell I don't want that for me."

"Trust me, Harry," he sighs," I know. You don't think that this didn't hurt me? I understand that neither of us got a good end of this deal, but if you think that I'm just going to let things fall to shit like this has never happened , you are sadly mistaken."

"We can't just go back into a relationship again, Louis. You say that you don't want things to fall to shit? That's what is going to happen. We can't ignore what happened before!"

"I know, Harry, I know."

"Good. I wish this was easier."

" Me too... Could we at least, talk to each other again."

"I'd love to, Louis William Tomlinson."

"Good, Harry Edward Styles," he blushes, " Harry, I'm going to sleep now." He closes his eyes, heavy with the sedation of the surgery, and he's soon asleep.