Rip It All To Shreds (Something Great)

You Break Me

Sorry I didn't update earlier- I ended up getting sick, but I'm starting to feel better now. Happy 2015- here's to a year I hope to be filled with plenty of Larry . 

Song - You Break Me by Ed Sheeran (he wrote this song when he was 15, and I feel so unaccomplished with my life)

OH! FORGOT TO MENTION IN THE LAST CHAPTER THAT LOUIS ACTUALLY HAD HIS SPLEEN REMOVED (i did a bunch of research on car accident injuries and rupturing a spleen is common, and sometimes it has to be removed).

Harry's POV: 

It's been a day since Louis got out of surgery. He actually had his spleen removed. Crazy. He never fails to impress me with how strong he can be. An advantage to being in the  hospital is that he can't hurt himself, because someone would notice. Yes, it's sad in entirety that this is probably the only reason he hasn't, but, for now, he's not hurting himself, and that's good. 

        I look over to Louis who is asleep again. He is beautiful- he really is. Holding myself back from just wanting to jump on top of him and give him little kisses and spend the whole day cuddling with him has been hard. Sure, I managed to do so during the time that we weren't even talking, but it was different then. It seems that being able to talk to him, and knowing that, as unhealthy as it is for both of us, that there is possibly, okay definitely, at least some mutual feelings between us has opened this door that is letting me accept emotions I couldn't before.

        I still get so angry, though. The fact that Louis needs constant sleep, and the fact that I can't find sleep in this environment has given a lot of time to think. Too much time. When I think I let myself see the worst in myself, in everything. Thinking is some sort of poison. It starts in the brain and seeps through the body clenching every muscle and festering anger and troubles.

I find myself being happy about Louis and looking forward to a possible relationship again, and then I start thinking.  I see myself hurting him. I see me hurting myself. I see it failing just like it did before. I see us falling back into darkness. I see us back at a hospital, but this time one of us dead. Dead because it all became to much. I try to tell myself how stupid I am to think about this happening, but I still can't help but see the reality in the possibility. Then I get angry. I want to break things and hurt Louis, who sleeps there innocently. Why does he make me love him? Why do I love him so fucking much? Why can't I help myself? Why can't he be smart and not fall in love with someone like me who is just a fucking mess!? Why am I a fucking mess? Does he love me? FUCK! FUCK IT ALL! It's all his fault! I can't relieve this shitty anger either. "No smoking on hospital property, Mr. Styles." "No, we don't serve alcohol at a hospital. You're under 21 as well, Mr. Styles, so even if we did, we couldn't."

        I stand up out of bed. I spot a glass vase full of flowers next to Louis' bed from some nurse, obviously a fan, who came in an hour or so ago. She couldn't wipe the goofy smile off of her face when she looked at Louis as she set the flowers down. I can't control myself. I'm grabbing the vase and throwing it on the ground. It shatters into a thousand pieces below me. I exhale, slowly starting to feel the rage coursing through me slowing down. I look down at the ground. I fuck everything up. It was a beautiful vase, and I broke it. I shattered it. It can never be fixed.

        I hear a gasp from the door. Expecting to see a nurse, I turn to apologize , but instead I see my mom and Johannah, Louis mother, gawking. 

        Judging by the gasp, they saw me throw the vase. This means I can't use the "it fell" excuse. 

     "Harry? What was that for?' my mom inquires.