My senior, Adam (#1)

Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter twenty two

Azevedo

I often see her at school and then at someone’s mansion. Akala ko namamalik mata lang ako but I’m wrong. A favor to Zac, ask Lorraine about this girl until the latter admitted, Sendija Alzate.

“Mas kilala siyang Sendy sa karamihan,” I clenched my jaw upon hearing her nickname. Sendy, huh?

Questions bombarded my mind. Sendy. Sendy. Sendy! Heaven sake! I couldn’t take her out of my system! I don’t know why. There’s something about her, hindi ko alam kung ano pero isa lang ang dumadaga sa akin. I want her.

Akala ko, ‘yon lang…until, slowly, I fell. Hard. I wasn’t prepared. Profound. I couldn’t explain myself and what I’m feeling. Is it love? Is it lust? Ano?

Sa mga araw na nagdaan mas lalo ko siyang nakilala. She wasn’t vocal of her feelings but I could read her. I could read her because of what I’m feeling. Ayokong aminin sa aking sarili na ganito na kalalim ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Is this even legal?

I did all my best to let her feel the love she was deprived of.  Pero gaya ng sabi ni pastor, a relationship without God’s foundation is not a relationship at all. Sinubukan ko. Sinubukan ko siyang ilapit sa Kaniya pero parang ayaw niya.

Bakit?

Am I not worth of joy’s comfort? Mula bata hanggang ngayon, lagi akong nagdadasal. Lagi kong pinagdadasal si mama…si papa. Hindi pa ba sapat? Hindi pa ba sapat ang mga sakit ng nakaraan at ipaparanas pa rin hanggang sa kasalukuyan?

“Ayoko na, Adam.” The day I wanted her to meet my parents. Bumalik si papa. Gano’n ba talaga? Kung may babalik, may aalis? Hindi ko maintindihan. May mga bagay pa rin ba na hindi malinaw? Pangako. Mga pangako na kahit kailanman ay hindi matutupad.

We both promised. No more secrets. Liar! But then again she’s Sendy.

There’s secrets...no more us.

I wanted to blame her father. She ruined a beautiful and an amazing woman. She has no right to feel so much pain. She locked herself in her room. She reads and fill her fancies in her books. Is this the life she wanted?

I couldn’t help but to love her even more. Kung may mas malalim pa sa salitang pagmamahal ‘yon ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Seeing her smile. Seeing her happy and carefree. Gusto ko mang matuwa dahil ako ang unang nagparamdam sa kanya no’n pero paano ang daddy niya?

I stole someone’s responsibility.

“Dude, tama na ‘yan,” I was crying. I was begging. Ayokong ikulong niya na naman ang sarili niya sa loob ng mansion na ‘yon. Secluding herself from the reality. I am her reality!

“I want to see her,” I’m so fucking wasted and unknown. I want her to be back. I want us back!

Lord…

Bakit naman ganito? Is this why you poured so much pain from my parents to prepare myself of letting go? Letting go my new home?

“Palayain mo na ako, Adam. Dahil matagal na kitang pinalaya.” I was kneeling. I was begging. Gusto ko ng halikan ang lupa para lang bumalik siya. Bawiin niya ang mga sinabi niya. What’s making her letting go of me?

Aayusin ko. Just...please.

Hindi ba naging sapat ang mga pinakita, pinaramdam at ibinigay ko sa kanya? Kulang pa ba?

“Ma, saan ako nagkulang!” I was soaked as I started throwing things on the floor. Sumasabay pa ang malalakas na kidlat.

“Adam!” Zac tried to calm me down. No one! No one could calm me down. Si Sendy lang!