Sincere Love

Capítulo Tres

After days of staying in our hacienda, I have decided that I needed to ask for forgiveness to the people I hurted so much.

Hindi man nila ako mapatawad but at least, I tried. Ayokong mabuhay na iniisip na hindi ako pormal na nakahingi ng tawad sa kanila. I deceived them. I hurted them a lot. They deserve to have my apologies.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" nakataas ang kilay na tanong ni mama Fiona sa akin nang buksan niya ang kanilang gate at nakita ako.

She was once gentle to me. Her words are full of love and care. But now, all I can hear is words of disgust. I don't like being treated like this by hers.

"Gusto ko lang po sanang humingi ulit ng tawad doon sa nangyari."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't forgive easily? Niloko mo kami, what do you expect from me? Accept you with my arms fully open?" aniya sa isang madiing paraan dahilan upang mapayuko na lamang ako. 

"Kaya umalis ka na dahil walang gustong kumausap sa'yo dito." Pagsasarhan sana niya ako ng gate pero agad naman akong nagsalitang muli.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

"Gusto ko po sanang makausap si Helena," saad ko dahilan upang tingnan niyang muli ako. Disbelief is written in her eyes.

"Walang Helena rito. Luisana ang pangalan ng anak ko."

"Pero kapatid ko po siya. I just wanted to talk to her even just for a short time," I beg her.

"Ma, pagbigyan na natin siya. Mukhang kailangan din siyang makausap ni Luisana," ani Raphael nang siya ay makalapit sa amin.

Nagbuntong hininga na lamang si mama Fiona bago ako tuluyang pagbuksan ng gate.

I wanted to roam my eyes on this familiar place but when I felt their eyes bore in me, I decided to continue on walking. I miss this place a lot. I miss the people living in this loving home. If only I could bring back the time that I am happy with them but I know that it is selfish of me to want such thing. Gusto kong ibalik ang oras na masaya kong kasama ang pamilya ng kakambal ko habang si Helena naman ay nagpapakahirap solusyunan ang problemang iniwan ko sa San Diego. I don't know if I am even worthy to be her sister after all.

I went to Helena's room and I can only see a woman who is lying on the bed lifelessly. Ni hindi ko na siya nakilala. Ni hindi ko rin inakala na makikita ko siya sa ganitong sitwasyon. Guilt builds within me more.

This is all my fault.

"H-helena. I'm sorry. Alam kong kasalanan ko ang lahat ng 'to."

Napabangon siya at napatingin sa akin pakatapos kong banggitin ang mga katagang iyon.

I can see no emotion on her angelic face. No trace of smile that I once saw on her. It's like, she's so distant from me...from us.

"Hindi lang naman ikaw ang may kasalanan. I have my own choice and I choose na tulungan ka," saad niya dahilan upang mapailing ako sa kanyang sinabi.

"No, Helena. Kung hindi kita ginipit noon siguradong hindi mo tatanggapin 'yong inalok ko sa'yo."

It was really all my fault and I blame myself for seeing her hurting like this. I'm cruel for letting her ends up like this.

"Tama ka pero nang dahil sa'yo nakilala at nakasama ko ang ating magulang kahit sa sandaling panahon. And that is more than enough," saad niya at ibinalik ang tingin sa harapan.

"You have every right na makasama mo sila sa paraang hindi ka nagpapanggap but I chose to deprive of you that," I said again but she never said a single word after that.