all i need // l.p {au}

chapter thirty-seven

I woke up with Liam's arms around me, flashes of the night before replaying in my mind. I smiled to myself and stretched, careful not to wake my fiancé. It was weird, thinking that I was engaged. I looked at my left hand and admired the ring that Liam had given me.

"Still happy with your decision?" Liam asked, his voice raspy.

I looked into his eyes, still riddled with sleep and nodded. "Yes, I'm very happy." I placed a loving kiss on his lips before making my way to the bathroom to shower.

"Good," he called after me lazily.

As the hot water fell over my body, thoughts of what marriage entailed consumed me. I was worried that I was giving in and forgetting what was important to me. I was worried about becoming pregnant and having to take care of children. There was no way I was ready to care for a child, but I was ready to commit to Liam. I convinced myself that at least I knew one thing for sure: I wanted to make Liam happy.

***

The boys wanted to go golfing again, which made no sense to me. Golf seemed like such a pointless sport, but I had never played so I wasn't going to take the time to argue. This left Sarahi and I to have a girls day, so we decided to go the spa and get massages and facials.

"Have you ever been to a place like this?" Sarahi asked as we waited for our names to be called.

"I've had a massage before, but never in a place this extravagant," I said. Liam told us to spare no expense, that we deserved to be pampered and handed me his credit card. There were the greenest of plants and the freshest of flowers surrounding the waiting room. Calming music played in the background and the walls were painted the loveliest of blues.

Our names were called a few minutes later. The massage felt wonderful and I was finally able to relax. I hadn't felt this stress free in a long time and I wondered if it was actually from the massage or that my life was finally falling into place.

After our pampering session, Sarahi and I went to the hotel restaurant. As I took a drink from my water, my friend gasped.

"What?" I asked, pretending to have no idea what she was freaking out about.

Sarahi grabbed my left hand and inspected it. "I can't believe it! He had mentioned he planned on proposing but I was sure that you were going to decline. I guess I owe Niall twenty dollars."

"Wait, what? You took bets with your boyfriend on whether I was going to say yes to Liam or not?" I should have been mad at this, but actually I was rather amused.

"Yeah," she laughed. "Niall was convinced that you would eventually give in, saying that he could tell how much you love Liam."

"Aw, he's such a romantic," I grinned at her.

"He is," she gushed. "Now, tell me everything!"

We spent the rest of lunch eating and discussing Liam's proposal the night before.

"So have you thought of a date yet?" Sarahi asked as we walked back up to her and Niall's hotel room. We were going to spend the rest of the afternoon until the boys came back watching whatever we could find on tv.

"Not at all. I mean up until last night, I was convinced that I was never going to get married. I think I need to take baby steps. I think I want to wait at least a year though. I want to take the time to plan it right, but I know that I want it to be a small wedding."

Sarahi nodded as she plopped down on the couch. I went to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of water, giving one to her as I sat on the other end of the couch. "As long as I'm invited, I'll be glad to help you."

"Nah," I shook my head. "I was thinking of keeping you off the guest list," I joked with a laugh.

"You're such a liar," she hit me with a pillow.

***

"Ready to leave for Ireland in the morning?" Liam asked later that night. I was changing into my pajamas and he was sitting on the bed in just boxers, his hands folded behind his head. I felt his eyes trailing my body as I pulled my shirt over my head.

Turning to face him, I nodded. "Yeah, I'm excited to go to a new place." I bent down to grab one of Liam's t-shirts that was on the floor and tugged it over my head. I climbed onto the king sized bed next to him, cuddling up to his side.

"Me too. I haven't been to Ireland in quite awhile. I went with Niall once when we were younger to spend a few days at his parent's place."

"Liam?" I asked.

"What is it baby?" he asked, running his thumb along my hip.

"Do you see us lasting? Like forever?" I didn't know where these questions were coming from, probably just worry that every marriage I had witnessed from a young age ended in shambles.

Liam turned my face to mine and his deep brown eyes searched mine. "Where is this coming from, hmm?" I chewed on my lip, ashamed that I was asking these things. "Of course I see us lasting. I can see us when we're old and gray and sitting on our porch watching our grandkids playing in the front yard. You'll always be the most beautiful woman to me and I don't think I could ever stop loving you."

The word grandkids scared me. The only way to have grandkids was to have kids and that was something I knew I couldn't handle. I was sure that Liam knew what I felt about having kids, but maybe he thought he could convice me because he convinced me that love was real and to marry him. Maybe I was nothing more than a pushover.

"Logan? Did I say something wrong?"

"Huh? Yes, no. I don't know," I sighed. Liam's concerned gaze told me to tell him the truth. "I just thought you knew that I don't want kids and I feel like that's something I'm not going to change my mind on. It feels like you're going to pressure me into it though."

"Oh, I wouldn't do that. I'm sorry, I guess ever since my grandpa died, I wanted to have the effect on someone like he had on me. But if I have to choose between being your husband and being a father, I would choose to be your husband every time."

Liam sounded sincere and I felt his love as he kissed my lips, but a part of me couldn't shake the feeling that eventually our love wouldn't be enough to hold us together if I didn't give him children.

idk i feel like this isn't the best, but please vote/comment. i love you <3 xx zoe