Would You Hate Me Then?

I Can't Let Go

I let my feet guide me all the way to my room, mind lost somewhere far from reality. When I closed the door, and turned the light on my surroundings came into view... Such lavish furniture, such an investment he made, and for what? For you. Everything I went through... Just to end up here? Is it so hard to believe? Even standing here now, I just don't understand. Why does everything in life have to have an explanation? Some things truly are better left, unknown. I guess sometimes it is, unless you're constantly running around trying to figure one thing out... only to have more questions. But you have your answers, no more questions or never ending chase. Nick? Yes Precious? How am I supposed to live with myself? Live with my decision? If you love him, what else is there to question? Love conquers all, doesn't it?

I frowned when his snicker echoed throughout my skull. I've never known love to conquer anything. All I've ever known was waking one day to find the world was not a place of love... but a place of gluttony, greed, and wrath. No rhyme or reason. No point, or purpose. Just the desire for power. The world I stand upon is, broken... Maybe he's right, he is right. We're killing the world one breath at a time. If it's right, why does it feel so wrong?

Shaking my head from side to side I ambled over to the bed, laying across it moments later. My hands gently grasped the sheets, bunching the silk fabric between my fingers. Eyes fixed on the ceiling as I recalled the woman at the restaurant... Jill. Letting her down, letting them all down, if I choose him. The agency, my friends, myself... but I can't go back either. I hated my life, I hated who I was, but do I like who I am now? Playing the part of Albert's partner, pretending there won't be any consequences if I let him continue on his path. No matter what happens, I'm part of this... the only thing left to decide is which side of history I will stand on.

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I felt a hand softly place itself on my cheek causing my eyes to flutter open, gaze locking on his within seconds. My heart skipped a beat as his lip quirked up at the end, "Everything alright?" I slowly sat up as he continued to sit on the edge of my bed beside me. I hesitated to answer as I smoothed back my jet black hair, pulling the hair tie out of it so my hair would fall to my shoulders.

"I was just tired," I smiled a little. "What are you doing here? I thought you were working with Martin." Albert shrugged lightly as I crossed my legs, and arms.

"When I got back to the lab, I noticed a grave look on Nelson's face and you were nowhere to be found."

"Worried you did I?" He chuckled, eyes conveying concern with a hint of joy causing me to smile a little more.

"I'd be lying if I said no," he admitted as he readjusted himself. "Do you need anything?"

"Think I'm lying?"

"No, I just know you're not telling me everything." Albert pointed out, "You don't have to, but as always..."

"I know," I moved closer to him before pulling him down beside me as I laid back.

"What are you doing?" He asked with a soft chuckle, tone husky though it's laced with amusement.

"Taking you captive," I mumbled as his arm wrapped around me while I placed my hand on his chest.

"Why?" I could sense he had a smile plastered across his lips.

"You're welcome," I retorted, not wanting to answer as I nuzzled into his side. Feeling my heart ache as his warmth, his safety enveloped me. I squeezed my eyes shut as the bitter feeling clenched my heart, tying it into knots without warning. My eyes burned a little as they begged me to let the tears fall... I resisted. "How did the tests go?"

"The ones Nelson did?" He inquired, I replied with a small nod. "The serum destroyed Ransom's cells, leaving yours though it tried to bond together to fend off the serum. But the serum worked too quickly I suppose," he exhaled slowly for a moment.

"And what about yours and mine together?" His hesitation caused a few moments of silence to cloud the room in its voiceless cries.

"Our cells bonded, destroying the serum within minutes." He admitted though his tone grew quiet, "You would assume that Ransom's cells would have done the same."

"Every person is different, and so are their cells... It's not surprising yours did, and his didn't. You're two different people," I pointed out.

"Nothing is ever easy, is it?" His low tone, and slight chuckle made me smile though my heart still constricted like I had suffered all the pain in the world. Making you wonder, why you couldn't just die in the crash? Or die when the virus was injected to you? I wonder that every day, you need not remind me.

"Wouldn't be, life... if the word easy, ever came up in conversation." I replied slowly though I couldn't hide the sorrow in my tone.

"What is it?" His voice was drowning in concern within an instant, breaking my heart even more. I couldn't seem to answer, "Is it Nickolas?"

"No," I answered.

"Nelson?"

"No," I repeated.

"Something I said?" I laughed a little though it harbored a sick desperation within it.

"Of course not," I replied.

"Then what my darling?" I felt a tender kiss place itself to my forehead, lips lingering as though they never wanted to leave.

"I can't let go, but what I want means I have to," I frowned. "I'm at constant war with myself. I have to make a choice, but I can't make it."

"Is the gain worth what you'll lose?" He paused, "If it's a price you are willing to pay, and it is worth it..."

"I don't know," I interjected, voice faltering for a split second before regaining its emptiness.

"What do you have to let go?"

"Everything," I answered.

"What does it give you, to lose it?" I opened my eyes as I slid my hand up to the side of Albert's cheek, turning his head so his eyes would lock with mine. I rubbed my thumb up and down against his cheek as my eyes filled with tears. His eyes shifted from confusion to realization, grasping my conflict as his brows furrowed. "I see," was all he could say. I pulled him closer as his forehead rested against mine, and the silence shrouded the room. All I could hear was the inhales, and exhales of Albert as we laid motionless in each other's arms.

My heart remained clenched as though a hand squeezed it every few seconds, yet I felt a sense of ease looking into his eyes. The only answer... lying beside me. You've already decided. I haven't, but I want to. You won't. If I choose him, nothing I did... Everything you did mattered when you were an agent. You're not the same, and neither is he. Your fate is inevitable, you will choose him. How can I? What about Jill, Chris? Time will make the choice for you. It will have too... "Is there anything I can do to convince you?"

"Afraid I still might kill you if I choose a side?" I smirked.

"Speaking candidly? I want to trust that you wouldn't, but I'm not sure."

"And what if I couldn't kill you, but I couldn't choose either?" I began, "What if I just left?"

"I..." he frowned, taking a moment to exhale. "I'd like to say I'd let you go, but... I don't know if I could."

"You'd miss me too much?" He grabbed my chin, moving his hand up to my cheek moments later.

"Yes," Albert grew a little closer, "After being able to be this way with you... I couldn't let you go, even if I tried... even if you needed me to," he admitted, voice softening into a whisper. 

A little shorter then the normal parts I post, but don't worry I'll try to make the next part longer then the usual for you guys. Really appreciate everyone who has been reading my book, and those who have stuck with me since the beginning. Stay frosty peoples.