Babygirl

43

Andre POV

You know that feeling in your chest when you know something is wrong. When you know something bad has happened. That gut feeling that instantly broke your heart and had you worried despite you not truly knowing what it even was. That strange feeling ran up my spine and I froze. I felt like I'd lost something, something that could never be replaced and deep down, deep deep down; I knew exactly what it was.

My eyes trained onto the photo of Kida that was on the on the mantel place. Ma had demanded that she stay in the US to train an eye on Anna and I. I know for a fact she speculated that Kida's 'death' wasn't normal. People like us didn't just die, just like that, so suddenly.

A wide smile was spread on her face and her smile was bright as ever. Her chubby little face had all that wild curly hair surrounding it and her eyes were shining as always. We always argued about whose eyes were nicer, despite the fact that we both had the same dark brown eyes. Her argument was that her eyes were molten chocolate and mine was just shit brown and I'd fiend offence and then smack her which would turn into a whole fight.

All we did was fight, argue and roast each other. To everyone it always seemed like we were those siblings that hated each other but there wasn't a time when my sister wasn't there for me, a time when she didn't drop everything to make sure that I was good. All the things she'd given up to make sure that I was okay. She'd passed up her dream college to come to the one I got into because and I quote 'I'm a dumb fuck and will most likely burn down the school trying to make noodles or die of some kind of weird cause I'm just retarded'.

I knew that Kida felt like she owed me for everything that had happened during our childhood. Things were hard after dad had died, it was a fact. I had to take up that role to ensure everything would be okay, and she felt like my childhood was taken from me because of it. But what she didn't know was that it was all worth it, and that was far from true. Seeing my little sister happy reserved the child in me, and kept me innocent and happy.

Hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, teaching how to ride a bike and beat people up, sitting up at night and talking about dreams and the future that I was determined and sure that I would make sure she got if it was the last thing I did. The play fighting and the crying, the cussing. It was all worth it because ma and Kida are my everything. Kida brought Anna into my life. If anything she took more care of me than I ever did of her, and she'd never know that,

Because I knew, I knew exactly what this feeling was, this pain, I knew exactly what it was.

My eyes darted from the picture to ma, who was sitting on the couch going thru photo albums, tears training down her face as she mourned her lost child. Anna sat next to her, a sad smile plastered on her face as ma spoke about the memories behind each photo like it had all happened yesterday.

The funeral and today had marked three times I'd ever seen my mother cry. The other was when we found out pa had passed. It was as sudden as Kida's so it's probably bringing back very, very bad memories for her. Me and Anna locked eyes and she saw what it all. She knew me like the back of her hand, she saw through my strong facade. She knew about everything and I do mean everything because that's the level of trust this family had with her.

Her eyes bored into mine and it all dwindled, all the so called strength that I had disappeared. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe, trying, desperately to hold to hold it all in but it was like the damn broke.

I could feel it toiling inside, and as I thought; thunder rolled outside as the once sunny sky became overcast with dark clouds, rain pelted down from the sky as I leaned against the counter trying to compose myself but the damn broke. The first droplet fell, then another and another, until I was nothing but a sobbing mess in the kitchen.

I remembered the days when we'd run around and around without a care in the world. Kida and I never and I mean never let our circumstances determine who we are, or where we were going to be. She was strong, so very fucking strong. She was always there to pull me out of any bullshit that I got myself into, she was the glue that held everything together, a guide on the rocky path called life. She made everything so much brighter and better and now;

She was gone.

For the first time in my life, I hoped and prayed that this feeling was wrong and that my gut was just fucking with me. For the first time in my life, I didn't wanna be right and I didn't wanna go 'haha in your face'. I just wanted my little sister standing here next to me, roasting me, and being eating up the whole kitchen, with us arguing about some bullshit because that was all part of the love with us.

I wish I'd told her more, how much I love her and how glad I am to have her as my sister. I wish I'd been more attentive these last few months, that I'd spent more time with her, that I wouldn't have been so distant and unappreciative, shooing her all the time. I wish I'd knew that all this would've happened. I should've told her the truth. I should've done so much;

I wish she were here, and I hope and pray that my gut is wrong.