Mr Hegarty, My Love

Chapter 11

After talking to Mr Awesome Cool Man Big Awesome Awesome Cool Dude Guy Cool I realised if I wanted to be with Colin I had to commit a terrible crime. This was harder than expected...

Crimes:

Pushing in the line at Greggs: I really thought this was illegal but it actually just made roadmen angry

Being mean to ginger people: Just made some gingers angry and I felt bad afterwards

Dissing someone that does grime: In the songs, they all say if you're gonna talk about them something bad is gonna happen but I got an email saying "piss off u wanker." Not very intimidating...

I was trying to think of stuff to do for ages until it hit me. Download Shrek movies ILLEGALLY. Perfect! I knew this would get me arrested for sure so before I actually did anything remotely illegal I grabbed Colin's special maths compass and hid it up my bum and yes- that's disgusting and wasn't very practical but I wanted to have a present for him when I got there. I started off by logging onto the dark web and searching up 'Shrek' - I then hit the download button and before it could complete download the FBI broke down the door!

"FBI HANDS OFF THE COMPUTER."

Those words were music to my ears because it meant I was going to jail! I was going to see Colin and I would be able to kiss him and tell him how much I missed him! The FBI agent thought it was well weird that I was excited but she just went with it because apparently her mum wasn't making her favourite for dinner and so she "couldn't be bothered to deal with my bullshit."

I was handcuffed and the FBI agent took my laptop. A lot of teenagers and young adults would be worried about someone taking their laptop but the only thing in my search history was 'mr hegarty being smart' and 'sportacus.' There may or not of been a 'Shrek being shrexy' search but I'm pretty sure everyone has searched that up at some point in their life. If you haven't searched that up you need to go see a doctor or something.

We arrived at the police station and I couldn't wait to see Colin. My sweet, beautiful, kind Colin. I couldn't wait to kiss his gorgeous face. I was scared he would get annoyed that I basically gave myself a criminal record just for him but I would've died for Colin Hegarty. You might think that sounds a bit soppy and shit but that was how special he was to me.

"ALRIGHT GET OUT OF THE CAR!"

My FBI agent was quite aggressive but I didn't mind too much. I got out of the car and immediately I knew downloading Shrek films illegally was worth it.

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I need to give credit to the hegarty fans who gave me ideas for names and a few other things in this fanfic so if they wanna comment I can dedicate the next chapter to them