Desolation

Chapter 14

There she was, on an early Saturday morning Amina was not in her cozy apartment but instead she was standing in front of the house she left over a year ago.

She had no intention to even come back to that house ever again so how it happened was obscure.

She promised herself that she was simply going to write a letter about all her revelations and unspoken truths that were screaming to be heard. Sending the letter was never the plan, she had every intention to throw the piece of paper when she was done.

It was clearly a lie she told herself to justify the unsettling thoughts in her mind. She gulped nervously intimidated by the house, all the memories came back.

A year of not being in the area yet everything looked the same from outside. A year an yet every memory was fresh.

She looked down at her trembling hands to see the brown envelope encasing the words that were never meant to be disclosed to any other pair of eyes, especially not the ones with a distinct hue of jade.

She travelled all the way from Bakersfield to this place she promised to leave for good. She used the same route and even got on the very same train.

This was not just a spontaneous decision, she knew from the moment she picked up her pen, the words were going to be seen by him. They had to be.

It was her way of having the last word, her body ached for it. She still loved Henry, she just loved herself more now and because of that she knew that she would for once be selfish, for once feed into a vice.

Give him the nerves and make him feel unsettled. She wanted to at least keep him up with a flood of memories of hers. She wanted to remind him about what he lost.

Enigmatic. The whole situation was one big puzzle. Amina was a good human being and anyone could see it, but you can only be complicit for so long, you can only handle so much torture before giving into the venom that is animosity.

She was holding on for dear life to the handrail of her virtues. She would never be bitter because of him, she would not let him take away her light, however she had to do it.

Amina quietly walked towards the door and placed the letter on the doorstep hoping that it would be delivered to the rightful person.

She turned and began walking away when she stopped in her tracks and went back to the door. She was about to knock when a voice in her head frantically paused her actions.

She knew that if she knocked on the door, her freedom was over. She was a weak person who was clearly more dependent.

"No, no no." She whispered to herself. She tucked her hands into the pockets of her hoody.

She sighed and then lightly jogged away from the house not once stopping to look back. "This is it." She told herself.

She started walking once she had stirred clear from the sight of her quondam house.

Amina got on the train and began her journey back to her new home. She hoped that this was truly the last time she would ever return to his house.

Henry sighed and forced his eyes to open once he heard the loud cries of Matthew from the other room.

He forced himself to get out of bed and rush to Matthew. The sight of his baby always made him smile. He just could not be fascinated with his little creation.