Monster | warrior cats | book 2

xviii | not the villain

caution: mention of suicide
aesthetic made by dawnbreeze- 

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"Falconrain!" The screech of his name resounded over the hills. The echoes rattled through the swaying grasses and voiced in every side of his head. His world was spinning, blurs and colors galloped beneath his eyes. He kept running, his sore paws thumping as they pushed against the ground into furious speed. He couldn't think straight, every thought fell apart. But one thing he knew for sure was; I don't want live anymore.

Violetsky chased after the tortoiseshell tom, her breath growing heavier with each extensive stride she took. She followed his trail through the meadows, the grass crumpling after his paws. She didn't know where Falconrain was going but she refused to go of another strong leader.

The tom finally slid to a stop, his claws anchoring him into the ground. Violetsky peered ahead, a frown crinkling along her expression. She was puzzled as to why Falconrain had stopped so suddenly. That's when she realized, the ground had come to a drop. Falconrain was standing an inch away from the edge of a gorge. He wanted to jump.

"Falconrain," Violetsky coughed over her heavy gasps for breath. Hearing the water roar at the bottom of the gorge sent terror prickling down her coat. "What's going on with you?" The gray she-cat ruffled her sweaty fur, lifting her lavender eyes to study the tom.

Falconrain turned to contemplate the she-cat behind him. There was a violent shine in his green eyes, something that sparkled of self-destruction. His muzzle twitched sadly, "Leave me alone." Falconrain pulled away sharply, growing closer to the edge. Inside his mind, the water was luring him in. He could hear the liquid, tossing and turning while begging him to jump.

"You're a good warrior, Falconrain." Violetsky's gentle mew intercepted his delusion. She inched towards the shattered tom, trembling convulsively. The thought of witnessing Falconrain plummeting to his death made her stomach churn sickly. "Don't do this."

Falconrain thrashed around aggressively. "You know nothing!" He shouted, his multi-colored fur lifting into a bundle of spikes. He unsheathed his claws which looked like diamonds in the pale light of dawn. "Don't try and save me, Violetsky." His voice was hard with demand. "I'm already too far gone."

The two felines stood, the silence was deafening between them. The wind caressed along their furs, lingering into the silence. Falconrain inhaled a deep breath, the sight of the hills tapering into the pale pink sky calmed his thoughts. He moved into a sitting position, binding his tail over his paws. "For all of my life, I've been fighting the same battles over and over." He softly began, staring out at the lavish view. Falconrain was drawn into the ocean of his memories, drowning under the waves of old visions. "It never ends."

Falconrain sounded like a different cat when he was soft. Violetsky had always known the tough, demanding soldier; seeing this side of him filled her with pity. She moved up close beside Falconrain, staring at him. "Then we'll make it end." Hope coursed through her. It was thrilling; it the sort of feeling that could kill fear. "I just need you to hold on Falconrain."

"But I've had enough," The sadness crawling down his eyes was what made Violetsky's heart shatter. She knew, from the very first moment of meeting this tom, that he was broken beyond repair. He was always so angry. If he were a statue, he would stand on blocks of wrath. Falconrain's claws trembled as he gripped at the ground under him. "I should just end it all." He barely whispered, considering the gushing gorge below him.

Violetsky slowly swung her head. She lay alongside Falconrain, her tail touching to his side. "Why?" She was bold enough to ask. "Talk to me. Tell me everything."

With another deep inhale, Falconrain decided his friend was right. He needed to clear the stones from his chest or he would never be able to breathe. "I never knew my parents. I don't remember them either. When I was not even a day old, they left me to die on the side of the thunderpath." The tortoiseshell tom searched through the clutters of his memories, trying to bring back some reminisce of that time. But there was nothing, only a dark cloud of loneliness hovering over his heart. "At the same time, Echostar had just lost Molesnake. He had been stolen from her by Wolfstar."

Violetsky's eyes lifted in surprise. How could Wolfstar do such a thing, especially to his own sister? The gray she-cat wondered. Perhaps there was more to this story than Violetsky had realized.

Falconrain continued, "Echostar was walking alongside the thunderpath and that's when she found me. She rescued me and brought me back to WindClan." He ruffled his fur, easing his harsh grip on the ground. Finally having someone to listen to him relaxed his mind. "No other family wanted me so Echostar decided to raise me herself." Falconrain glanced over his shoulder to view Violetsky, happy to see she was still paying attention. "It's a long a story after that but eventually mother shaped me into her perfect, little soldier. And she sent me off to fight her battles."

Violetsky grimaced, feeling a question arise to her tongue. "What was that like?" The she-cat once thought she had seen all things terrible; torture, violence, destruction. But it never occurred to her that other cats have been through worse. "War, I mean."

Falconrain let out a faint snort. Was Violetsky really asking him such a thing? "It's like your waking up to a living nightmare." His words sent a dangerous thrill into the air. "There's blood everywhere; it's under your claws, it's clogged in your eyes, it's melting into your fur." The tom began to describe the physical feelings of the war; hearing the trumpets of screams, feeling claws rip into your spine, watching your friends die around you. Falconrain hesitated after a minute, gathering his thoughts to proceed. "But it's not only the physical scars that stay with you, it's everything else you feel. I wake up every day with a storm of guilt hanging over my head. I can't help but think, why did I survive and my Clanmates didn't? Shouldn't I be in StarClan with them?" Falconrain quietened down, his acidic eyes burning holes into Violetsky. "Why did StarClan choose me?"

A chill shivered through Violetsky's bones. Whether Falconrain was being rhetorical or truly asking, Violetsky answered. "Because you are the heart of the rebellion." The she-cat's voice softened as she continued to speak, "You are the only hope the forest has in getting rid of any evil. The forest needs you alive. WindClan needs you alive, Falconrain." At that moment, while studying the battered war-dog, compassion danced in her chest. "I need you alive," Violetsky admitted, a shine of tears glistening her eyes.

"Why would you want such a thing?" Falconrain suddenly erupted, his once fiery ego coming back to him. He yanked himself away from the she-cat, stepping even closer to the ledge. Violetsky lost the breath in her lungs while watching the tom dangle himself just before the fall. Falconrain spat bitterly, "I ruined Stormrunner, I tried to kill Molesnake, I even scared my mother to death. You should hate me."

Violetsky shook her head quite vigorously, wishing the tortoiseshell would move away. "I don't." She jumped to her paws, gazing into his cutting eyes. "Because you're a good tom, Falconrain. You're not the villain."

And that was all she had to say. Falconrain let her words sink into his blood. And as he did, something changed about him. For once, he felt hope. The faint feeling was ghostly to him, it outweighed his fear. He didn't want to die anymore. Falconrain swiftly backed away from the gorge, falling back into the oasis of the meadow.

Violetsky let out a long breath of relief, pleased to see Falconrain was still standing before her. She smiled, "Let's go home." 

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