be prepared for a big sad paragraph
madisons pov
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i feel like it's a nightmare before christmas. it's been all day since i've talked to billie. i know she's isn't obligated to texted me 24/7 but whenever she's busy she'll tell me, todays different.
it's funny, it's like life's pushing pretty hard right now. like i'm falling in love with someone but she's forgetting to love me back.
i'm gonna be the one that's left with dull pain in my heart. and that pain, it's going to take me a long time to let go of.
i swear i'd be the luckiest person in the fucking world, and i mean luckiest person, if she loved me back especially the way i love her. i'd do anything for this girl. i'd jump off a mountain for her. it's something about her that makes my heart go crazy. every time i think of her my heart does a thing, that i can't even explain because that's how good it gets.
the question of the month has been: don't you want me baby?
maybe she doesn't and when i end things she won't even care. she'll act like she does but in reality she could give one fuck but that's billie for you.
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imessage
bil
hey uh rn things aren't good with us. i know you can tell but probably won't say anything about it, but i feel the need to because i don't like it. the past couple of days have been so off. i think it has to do with multiple reasons / things. one of them being you not feelings certain things. your mindset isn't where it should be and you're aren't mentally there which isn't good. because your mental health is important. you always have to be happy even if it makes others unhappy. you gotta put yourself no matter the situation is. another reason we probably aren't doing good, is because of me. i don't communicate very well. i don't know how to talk to you without hurting you. because i know the things i wanna say will hurt you, not only you but also myself. but i need to get it off my chest because it's only hurting me more and the relationship. i don't think we should be in one right now. i don't think you're ready for it. which is totally fine. i just feel like you're not ready for it. i haven't been wanting to talk about this because i didn't want you to feel pressured in any type of way if that makes sense. i want you to take your time with things. but i just think you should do that type of thing alone. it's hurting me. i think it's only hurts me more because i've been in a long-term relationship. and typing this shit sucks because the way i feel for you billie. i love you... a lot. i love you to the point where i don't care about being hurting by how i'm feeling in the relationship. because to me your feelings come way before mine. i want to make sure you're good before i am, in anyway possible. you're my heart man, shit sucks when i feel like i'm doing everything wrong in our relationship. i feel like things are going bad because of me. i wanna say how thankful i am to have u in my life though. in a relationship it's okay to have ups and downs and i want all that with you, the good & the bad. as long as it's with you i want it. i want us to grow. i want to do better for you... for us. because that's what you deserve, you deserve the fucking world bil. i will always be here for you. i don't wanna give up on what we have. i just wanna fix the situation we're in. i will always love you. shit gets hard but i wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else.
wym you don't knoo how to talk to me without you hurting me ? u won't hurt me just tell me how you feel . and that's fine if you don't wanna be in a relationship rn we don't gotta rush anything that's totally fine w me. if u need time to think about things then that's fine we can work on the problems we have and then maybe if you wanna be in a relationship still we can figure it out or be in one when the times ready if you want one . i think we both need to figure what we want and stuff and then once we figure that out we can talk about it . i just don't want you hurting or anything like i said before i never wanted to hurt you or anything & u said this is hurting you rn and i'm sorry maybe i'm not cut for this relationship stuff. u deserve the world and i'm sorry i'm not givin you it :( i wanted too and still do wanna give it to you but idk if you even wanna be in a relationship with me
