Answer To My Life

t h i r t e e n

The next day, I start to reflect on my date with Marina. We hadn't made anything official yet, but I feel that we will eventually. I feel safe with her. Not like I need this imaginary protection like I had with Zara, as now I feel comfortable. I'm not worried about any danger coming to attack us and honestly... it feels nice.

I had texted Sea last night, the moment I arrived home from the date, and she was equally excited as I was about it!

I recall her stating how the date will definitely turn into a full relationship and how she can imagine just how much the girl had enjoyed the date. Her attitude toward the subject is refreshing compared to how I had tried to talk to her about my date with Zara and she had shut me down.

I wasn't sure what was different about it now, but I focused instead on her words rather than her past ways.

Though talking with Sea is great, it's also left me uneasy. I had left behind my old feelings for her when I met with Marina, but it seems like it's all rushing through me again, and it's evident in each text I send her. Now, I start to wonder more about her identity once again.

If Sea makes me feel nice through these simple texts, I don't think that I could handle speaking to her in real life.

"That doesn't matter! Marina is the one I care about," I remind myself.

Ultimately, I decide to send Elliot a text. Half an hour later, he's in my room, telling me that I can't mess this up.

"Yeah, yeah. Sea seems cool and all, but you can't ruin what you have with Marina. She's a real person! You don't know, Sea might even be a liar. What if she doesn't even go to our school?"

"She wouldn't lie to me," I say defensively.

"You don't know that," Elliot tells me.

"She's not like though. She's never claimed she's a rich prince from Croatia!"

"Don't bring that up!" Elliot says dramatically, putting his hand to his forehead. "I still can't believe I was catfished."

"I told you and you never listened!" I yell at him.

I recall how before, Elliot had befriended someone on this obscure dating site and had met this guy who claimed to be a Croatian prince. Despite my warnings, Elliot "dated" him for a whole year until the guy told him the truth and disappeared off the face of the internet.

"Which is why I'm repaying the favor and warning you right now!" Elliot yells back.

"Look, I didn't want you to come here to scold me like a child. I just wanted you to give me some advice."

Elliot breathes deeply and says, "fine. I think that if you want to stop feeling guilty about this or whatever, you should tell Marina about Sea."

I look down to my phone in my hands and ask, "how do I tell her? She'll think I'm crazy for liking this random girl on the internet."

"Or keep it a secret. Continue to fall for these two girls and then you'll have to make that dramatic choice like in the movies, to decide who you want. One of them will get hurt. Don't you want to prevent that pain?"

"I hate that you're right because honestly, you're never right," I tell him.

"Hey! Don't be rude."

I raise my eyebrows at him and he laughs, admitting that he actually hates me.

"Yeah, right," I tell him, scoffing.

"I know. I love you, Idalia," he says kindly.

He gives me a hug and at that moment, my mom walks into my room.

She starts smiling and says, "the whole gay thing was a cover, right? I knew it! You two are dating."

"Nope, still gay," Elliot comments.

We both start snickering and my mom sighs, saying, "well, alright! I'll let you get back to doing whatever you two are doing. Just a reminder that I'll be leaving later to fix something at school for your brothers."

I feel a little bothered at my mom's comments but I shake my head, reminding myself that it doesn't matter. I'm still a lesbian and she will never take that away from me, no matter how many ignorant things she says.

"Should I tell Marina about it in person or through text?" I ask Elliot.

"Is that seriously a question? You have to do it through person to make it more genuine and get her real response!"

"Alright. I can do this," I say hesitantly.

"Yes, you can! I will support you every step of the way."

I tell Elliot to shut up at that moment, so that I can call Marina to tell her to meet me at my house later today. I take advantage of the fact that my mom will be gone later, which will make it better when I tell Marina.

I grab my phone and select the option to call her.

It rings.

Rings again.

Rings a third time.

She responds.

I stay silent for a few seconds until she clears her throat and speaks out, "Idalia?"

What the fuck, even just the way she says my name sends shivers down my spine.

"Hey! I was wondering if you could meet me at my house. I need to tell you something."

"Are you okay?" She worredly asks.

"Yeah! It's nothing serious, well, depending on how you look at it."

"Ok... I'm free today so I'll see you later."

"I'll send you the exact time and address. Can't wait to see you," I tell her.

"Same. See you then, babe."

She hangs up first which is good, since the "babe," leaves me excited and blushy and happy and unable to even move for a few seconds.

"Yeah, that's how I was when my relationship with Isaac started getting real," Elliot comments, laughing a bit at me.

I don't even have the energy to say something snarky to him, so I instead opt to tell him that I should prepare what I have to say.

He tells me that he has to go meet up with his boyfriend, so I'm left alone.

I anxiously try to find the best wording and before I know it, I hear the doorbell ring.