Although my life is bad
and things look pretty awful,
I recently started
loving myself again.
I look at me
And my curves
and my acne
and my fat
and I say
"I am beautiful.
I am smart
and nice
and loveable,
and absoloutley
perfect."
I think of myself
as a dream girl.
I say,
"You're going to
make some guy
very happy
someday."
And it makes me feel good.
I make a mistake
and I still
mentally curse
myself out.
I still force myself not to cry.
Because crying
is weak
and stupid
and it makes me feel horrible
Yes, I never cry
because crying is bad.
And
I've forgotten how...
But at least I'm getting somewhere.
However,
my longing for
a relationship
keeps getting larger.
I pride myself
in being independent
and strong
and single...
...but there's a hole
in my heart.
That longs for
a man or woman
to fill it.
