The Flash : But Lesbian (Oneshots & Imagines)

May Only Come Out At Night (Caitlyn Snow/Killer Frost x Reader)

"She's just.. Gone?" You gasp.

Meaning to words and quite frankly, your own existance, melt away as your mind wraps itself around this new reality.

You can't help but see her in your memories. You try so desperately to bury the exact colour of her eyes into your subconscious, before it slips away forever.

There is ice in your heart instead of warmth for the first time in ages.

You feel the metaphorical rug pulled from under your feet, but there is no fall. In your mind any responce takes ages, as you are emotionally suspended mid-flight.

You feel weighless.

"Hey, are you okay?" Caitlyn asks, almost bringing you out of your daze.

No.

"I'll be okay.. I'll just go home."

There will be no romantic, snowy scenery on Summer nights, nor chilled hand to hold.
In this moment you are alone.

The air that night was cold or perhaps it was just you, but you felt as though it might choke you. The feeling of ice scratching inside your throat, wounds that grew colder the further you walked.
She used to walk you home.

You didn't want to go back to Caitlyn's appartment. You're sure that she could get by on her own wit, but you go anyway.

She could still be interested in you, perhaps you could move on. You realise it's too soon, upon seeing her in the blue sweater that you didnt buy for her alone.

You loved her just as much but this was a new feeling. Grief comes in stages.
You were never refined at processing emotion, a common trait among the three of you it seems. As you glance around the living area at blue squares and scattered notes, you feel the waves of sadness, a rush of pain.

It feels familiar to you in a way, as if you could finally see the world through her eyes.

You glance at your fingers, feeling the heat leave your body. You wished to summon ice, if only to stake your own heart.

"I think I get it now."

"Get what?" Caitlyn inquires softly.

"Why she wanted to kill." You answer in a chilling tone. "At first, they thought she was evil, but she wasn't. That wasn't the reason."

No.

"When you have no will to live, you cannot value a life." You whisper, your voice finally breaking. "I'm going to miss being cold."

Days tend to feel longer when you wait for something that will never show up. You feel yourself falling. Days go by slowly as you get closer to the ground.
Weightless no more. You feel your heart becoming heavier with each new hour. You once counted the minutes between seeing her and now you've lost track of time entirely.

You sit in the speed-lab watching the footage of her last moment and wonder if she was afraid. You wonder if she thought of you, if she loved you.

You know she did love you. She loved you and actively wanted to be better for you, for herself, and Caitlyn.

You wonder if she would have said good-bye. She hated goodbyes.
You wonder if she can miss you, where she's gone.

"She's not gone."

No.

"I know.." Your voice is hoarse and lacks volume.

"She's still with me, (Y/n)." Caitlyn's voice is dominant, snapping you out of your misery with familiarity. "We're going to get her back."